Trusting others and trusting yourself.

I feel as though I have a great amount of trust in people sometimes. Not to the general public, though, but towards friends and family.

One of my exs has told me that even though through all the hurt and confusion that I've been through love wise, I somehow seem to still have the ability to find love and possibility no matter what. He was definitely talking about Mark, and yah, even though I've been hurt quite a bit by boys treating me harshly, I still had the capability to be myself and fully immerse myself into my relationship with Mark.

So when I see friends having trouble trusting others when they are in the beginnings of a potential relationship or they seem interested in someone, they don't have the courage to pursue further because they don't trust the other person or themselves. And to be honest, I do try to understand and empathise, but sometimes I do think - just get over it, and be strong about it! Even though I myself am guilty of being lame in getting over things.

I think everything seems a bit rosy to me right now because I'm terribly happy in a relationship. We've been going out for 6 months now, and usually now is the time things go wrong (in every other relationship I've had), but right now it's perfect. So I don't know whether my positivity is due to my relationship with Mark, or whether I had this all the entire time. I must admit though, it didn't take me long to move on from one serious boyfriend to another - I think the longest time was around 3-4 months? And sometimes I feel that I haven't exactly gotten over the last one, but a few months into the current relationship, and I'm totally over it and smitten and just happy and on cloud nine.

I guess everyone approaches things their own way, but it kinda upsets me that some of my friends deny themselves of the same potential happiness that I have because they're afraid of getting hurt. I mean, isn't that what life is all about? If you don't experience hurt, all the good things that happen to you don't seem as special or as nice. I guess it is all relative, but I find that all the shit that happened to me made me appreciate the awesome things a lot lot more. Also, the hurt and bad and terrible experiences gives me something to talk about, rant about, and draw emotion from if I'm trying to do something creative and what not. But essentially, with all the crappy things around, there are good things to balance everything out.

I just wanna see my friends have courage to just get out there and get the happiness they deserve, and not worry about being hurt, and not worry about their image and self esteem, because to me they deserve it no matter what, and past experiences and stupid social conventions and superficiality should not get in the way of finding someone "to be home with", as one of my close friends would say.

Twas my birthday last week...

And it was heaps and heaps of fun. For a Wednesday, I thought it was a great turn out, and the fact that last year only, say, less than 10 people came to visit me for my birthday, this year there were roughly 40 or so special people who came.

The day started with a breakfast with my boy at the cafe we like to hang around in for breakfast, called "Le Petite Tart". Then I went into the city and bought my boyfriend his Valentine's Day gift. I know I could've done it the following day, but I didn't feel like it. I wanted to do it then and there. Then I came home, finished knitting a sock for my new iPod that I got from the parentals, and went out for a picnic with my old Angel friends. We had champagne and cheese and chocolate and port, and then we dawdled to The Different Drummer, which was where I was having my birthday gathering. I didn't know how many people were turning up, and the manager was like "You should've booked next time"... Saw a lot of cool friends and oldies from NUTS and 3ma, and lots of CSE revuers as well. Had a total of 10ish standard drinks because I had 5 cocktails during happy hour, it was awesome! Got totally drunk but had heaps of fun.

Got home at about 10 to midnight, and after Mark had a shower I was like "It's Valentine's Day! Open your present!" and he was ecstatic when he discovered it was a Pizza Oven! Basically it's a grill with a ceramic plate to make pizzas, and he was so excited, and I was so happy that he loved it! He got me for my birthday (and I told him not to worry about Valentines) a 160 gb hard drive to replace my old 40 gb because I complained how my iPod had more memory than my laptop! And for Valentine's Day we made pizza after he came home from work. It was yummy and heaps of fun to do!

Also caught up with my little brother the day before my birthday where he gave me the iPod and a $50 gift voucher for the iTunes store. He was very sweet, and the first thing he said when he saw me was "Happy Birthday for tomorrow Vanessa!" and gave me a hug. Makes me think I taught him well.

And another thing that caught me by surprise was a message from a student that I used to teach last year, smsing me to come back and teach them again because they miss me and asked whether they were that horrible to teach! I obviously said of course not, and that I miss teaching them as well. It was a surprise sms and it almost made me cry, but these type of things I can help, seeing as I can't really teach them anymore due to uni timetabling and everything.

I can't wait for uni to start. I need to start using my brain again, and moving around. I've been quite sedantry, but yah... sigh. I have been busy with rehearsals and shows, though, seems all so much! And teaching too. But I'm having fun, and life has been treating me well thus far.

And Mark moving in has been a blast. He's been really good so far, and it feels so nice waking up to him next to me in the morning. He's the perfect boyfriend, and I just feel so lucky to have him...

Oh and Birch's part was such fun too... Pity he's going to the states though. Got him this awesome book as a going away present - it was a picture book with a hole in the middle, so that the manhood can be a character in a story... Very amusing, and just Birch all over. He got all sentimental and saying "I love you" to everyone, which was really cute, and just being drunk Birch really.

So last week and weekend was quite a bit of fun. And even though I wasn't exactly looking forward to turning 23, I think this year would be a great year for me... Year of the Rat, which is my year, should be a great year for me. Let's hope that I finally finish a degree this year. Woot!