so this is christmas...

it's the last week of teaching, and i've been getting a few cool presents from my students... today has been an exciting day for me!

got heaps of chocolate of course, and got my first bottle of wine the other day. also got some cupcake candles, and a music mug, and these awesome sterling silver music earrings. the best one which seems to capture me quite well is this cupcake cushion (see pic below) - it's a strawberry cupcake with little strawberries on top, and it's random and cute and just really cool. and the two best presents i got are from really good students, so maybe i should get students to be more awesome, and they will in return give me more awesome stuff. :D

and on monday mark asked me to come to queensland with him to visit his mum's side of the family, and spend time with his grandma in brisbane and noosa. i'm kinda looking forward to it, and kinda nervous about meeting and spending time with mark's family, but hopefully it'll all go well. the drive up to brisbane would be interesting - a good 10-12 hours with his parents in the same car, i'm sure there'll be a story out of that one somehow! :D

it'll be the first christmas that i've spent without my family, which is kinda interesting. it'll be with mark's family, so at least it's not on my own, but i hope my parents don't think i'm distancing myself too much away from them. but i'm totally in love with mark, and mark doesn't seem to not like time apart from me, and vice versa, so i hope my parents will understand.

it's been pretty awesome so far, and it's not even christmas yet. i have a new found appreciation for teaching (and no, it's not all about the presents, it's the fact that i've bonded with some of my students quite well, and it's gonna be disappointing if i don't teach some of them next year), and i'm excited about finishing my degree next year, and just hanging around with mark heaps. :D

a few more sleeps, and christmas will be here! and just to add, this is a photo that one of my closest friends hein took, and it sums up basically how much mark and i are in love with eachother... :D

A Midnight Post

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Have been sick lately, and last week I caught the cold, and then it transferred into tonsilitis... it's been quite uncomfortable to swallow and sore, and the sinuses aren't helping much with it either. Currently taking penicillin to get over it, apparently the tonsilitis was quite bad.

I'm feeling better than this morning, when I woke up to heavy stomach pains from taking pills on an empty stomach. Naughty me! But the cramps existed for about an hour until it subsided after I ate some bread despite the fact I wasn't hungry. But after the doctor's appointment I went home and stayed in bed all afternoon feeling sick and ew. My sinuses now feel a bit clearer, but I'm still getting headaches and my throat is still a bit sore, so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Up the road there's this house party of 50-60 year olds dancing to a cover band singing songs like "Pretty Woman", "Stand By Your Man", "Blue Suede Shoes" and other classic rock tunes. I was walking past whilst on my way to satisfy my midnight cravings with a kebab, and I wondered whether it would be cool to gatecrash this party? I'm sure I'll have no trouble fitting in with the oldies!!! :D

Talking about kebabs, I just had half of a kebab for the first time in a very long while. It wasn't that great, because the meat was a bit overcooked and dried out, so it scratched my throat a bit. But yah, I miss pigging out on unnecessary foods - not that I've really stopped, but being sick for the past few days, you don't really feel like eating much. Or when you do grab a whole heap of food, you don't feel like it anymore halfway through. I even gave chocolates away the other day, instead of keeping it all to myself and consuming it on the way home... Quite proud of that achievement!

And a few hours ago I got to talk to Mark online for an hour and a bit. Goash I miss him so much. We're the sappiest couple ever, I reckon, and we always say how we miss each other and love each other and never to be apart ever again! I'm counting the days - 4ish more days left and he'll be saying hallo and greeting me at the airport. I absolutely adore him and he's my everything at the moment, and I do hope we never ever lose each other.

Christmas is around the corner - meaning my bank account is going down. Sigh, I need to control my savings a lot better... But I've gotten half the Christmas pressies so far, just need to wait to get paid again so that I can go for some more Christmas present shopping.

Hope everyone is well, as opposed to me, and I love you Marky baby if you're reading... xxoo!

the need to move on...

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i really need to move on from things... like a particular ex of mine that had an interesting situation, where one comment really made me upset, and it somehow turned into "i don't know why you're not happy for me - you're the only one who is not happy for me..." totally not what i was on about, totally different topic, but just slightly annoyed by the fact that he once told me that i accuse him for doing certain things when he didn't mean them that way and that i just misinterpreted them, and then he turns around and kinda does the same thing to me.

i don't know, i guess i shouldn't dwell on the past. it creates baggage. i just felt misunderstood, and foolish to have felt the things i felt for him, and even though he says he does not at all undervalue the relationship we had, i just feel.... i dunno how to describe it... i wasn't good enough. despite all the things he says about me being great and fun and that i wasn't at all just for convenience.

i guess that relationship just wasn't meant to be. and in a way we both know that. he definitely didn't see it, so there's no point in me trying to find it.

AND i have found mark. mark is absolutely wonderful, and i just don't know why i'm still hanging on to this. mark's away for 10 days over at sweden, so i guess i should use this time alone to not only miss mark terribly, but to heal over the relationship i had with my ex. with all my exs actually. i dunno whether i'm over one of them yet. i'm definitely over my first ever serious ex, but the last serious two i should probably work on closure.

mark, baby, i miss you. can't wait til you come home...

Rainy Days and Disappointment....

I really have nothing to complain about. I do have it pretty good - an awesome boyfriend, an awesome household, a loving family (that's not part of household), a car and always some financial stability, whether it's from my well-paying part-time job or assistance from my family.

But for some reason, for the past few days, it's been kinda off.

Firstly, I was disappointed that I couldn't do that film course I wanted to do as a gen ed over summer because it had a prerequisite. That kinda burst my bubble in the hopes of making a short film.

Then came the gig that I was involved in recently at Bar Me, and the end payment was quite dismal. I was disappointed because I had to attend quite a few rehearsals between July and November (that was at least 4 months of weekly rehearsals) and to only come up with a small amount of money really disappointed me... And it wasn't as though the gig actually led me anywhere (except to Bar Me Open Mics, which are awesome).

Yesterday, I met up with Alex to discuss doing a short film together, and asked me to do the sound design, and for some reason I didn't seem excited about it. He noted that I seemed not my bubbly self, and I didn't know why I was just not into it, but I felt distanced and just not with it then.

Then I had to deal with a difficult class yesterday, and usually they're not that bad, but for some reason they were worse. The threats did not seem to have an effect, and so a stern "I'm disappointed in all the boys in the class" (there's only one girl, and she's pretty much well behaved, and was the only one to receive a sticker at the end of the class) in front of their parents made them realise that I was not happy with them.

But what kinda upset me was something someone said to me last night over the internet. Granted it was the internet and interpretation can be skewed, but it really affected me and I was upset. Which made me wake up dreary and upset this morning, and waking up to the rain even added to the slight depression. This made me not be in the mood for work experience, which has been awesome in the past week, but I just wanted time to myself today and therefore chucked a sickie.

I'm trying relatively hard at the moment to appreciate all the great things I have, including wonderful Mark and the work experience opportunity, and having a great support network around with friends and family, all the small shitty things that get in the way just makes me feel a bit worn down. I should possibly go off the pill maybe, and hopefully then this small bout of depression will disappear.

I do, however, appreciate the rain, and waking up to it in the morning makes me wanna stay in bed all day.

I had a dream...

And it was an awesome prospect if it happened in real life...

Basically towards the end of the dream, I was in an office. I was asked by a random woman what I was doing during my Easter holiday... I said "Nothing... why?" and she asked me whether I would like to go to New York for some work experience.

OMG if this happened, say, sometime next year where I get to follow someone as a personal assistant to New York, I would totally cry.

So what did I do? I applied (late) for an internship at Sydney Symphony so even if I do not get considered this year, I can still have made some sort of "hey I'm around, if not I'll apply next year" type of thing. I'm hoping Sydney Symphony will still accept my application - it was only 4 days late... :S

Anyhow, I'm going to make sure that next year will be my final year of uni, or at least mostly my final year of uni. I really want to start working on a career... *sigh*

So what now?

Well, JMC is currently over, and I'm enjoying my spare time, although there are many things I need to do.

Can I be bothered doing them? No not really....

Like going to the gym. I've only been once in the past 3 months, and I went again last Monday... I should go again today, and do the exercise for half an hour 3 times a week thing to get fit and lose weight... but sigh, laziness prevails. Maybe I'll go after this blog entry.

Mark is fantastic as per usual... We're still in honeymoon period I think, and whenever I think of him I still smile heaps, so yah... Nothing's really changed there.

Back to UNSW next year, and I have like 2 options - either keep doing Music/Arts and graduate at the same time as Mark, or just do Music and kinda graduate at the end of next year and hopefully apply for a masters for the following year... I have no idea at the moment, and I have applied to just drop my arts, but I feel like getting it back now. Ah, fickle me.

Anyways, I'm at a point where I need to get things sorted, because I feel like uni should end soon, and that I need to start a career...

Ok - due to go gymming now....

Sorry for such a boring entry. :D

The truth about wine...

I love wine. Red wine especially. But I try to be a good girl and not drink and drive, and only have it when I'm sure someone else (namely Mark) will drive me around.

One thing I've noticed is that wine (or any type of alcohol, really) makes you honest. Inhibitions are gone, filters are barely there, and whatever you think, it's instantly verbalised.

Dan's family invited me to celebrate Flossiy's 21st, which I thought was very sweet of them to invite me, even though they only met me once or twice before. At the dinner, Dan had just a bit to drink, and on the way back decided to tell the truth... And truth be told, I was quite touched by what he had to say, and I may have had a tear or two in my eye. Anyhow, it was comforting to know that Dan still cares and loves me, and I still care and love him. And it's also nice that Mark trusts me, and doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that I still hang out with an ex.

Anyway, another encounter involving wine and "the truth" was tonight. I was at an open mic gig over at Bar Me in Kings Cross, and I accompanied a friend of mine who wants to keep on singing, and I also randomly accompanied this other guy with sheet music that I had to sight read. I also sang (not that fantastically, but I think I kept in tune), and I just had a lot of fun. And it was great listening to blues and bossa nova and jazz and rock and just impro stuff. There was a woman there named Jo who had an awesome voice, and in the break I went up to her to tell her how awesome she is, and then right back at me she goes "You're fantastic!" and told me how I should keep up with my playing and what not. I also discussed how I wanted to venture into jazz, and I needed to get a jazz teacher - she introduced me to another Daniel and said "If you were crap, I wouldn't even bother letting you know about Daniel and even talk to you..." Jo wasn't a huge fan of my friend's singing, and she was quite blunt about it as well, and she goes "I'm in honest mode here, with the help of wine and all, and I think you're fantastic, and your friend? I'm sorry..." I kinda felt bad because I had to hear about what Jo thought of my friend, and being a friend I should stick up for her, but at the same time, I kinda agreed with some of the things Jo had to say. I'm still giving my friend singing lessons, so hopefully I can steer her towards the right direction.

But the whole point of that story was that it was the wine that made Jo very blunt (or probably more blunt than usual), and made her babble on about how she thought I was really good and kept on encouraging me to keep practising and further my jazz abilities (of little I have).

On another note, Mark finally met my parents last Saturday. It was my mum's birthday dinner, so I told Mark to kinda make an impression and get her flowers and stuff - so not only did he get her a bunch of gorgeous flowers, he bought me 2 pink roses! They're currently on my bedside table and they smell absolutely lovely...

Dad seemed to like him, and Dad was surprisingly laidback and relaxed and encouraged Mark to drink more beer with him and what not. Mum was yadda yadda yadda as per usual, and judging him before even knowing him in a more relaxed environment. I told mum to give him a break, seeing as he's in a situation where he feels out of place and quite unfamiliar, and that despite what it seemed like at the dinner table, he's quite attentive and considerate towards my needs and wants... Oh well, despite my mum saying "You're the one going out with him, not me, so as long as you're happy", she can easily turn around and quickly judge without really knowing the guy. I must say, half the time she's pretty spot on, but I'm going to make sure she gives Mark a fair go, because my dad seems to say he's cool and that he says he wants to get to know Mark a bit better before he says anything, which is what mum should do, but won't do.

Okay... I'm kinda spinning out, so I think I should go to bed... Damn bed bugs - I've had an infestation lately, and it's making my life hell because I had quite an allergic reaction to the bites... Hopefully after all the washing of bed sheets and spraying of mattress and bed box, all will be fine and dandy and I won't get bitten anymore...

Despite bed bugs, I'm in such a happy place... :D



Just came back from the Blue Mountains with Mark a few hours ago, and we had such an awesome time over the weekend... Just relaxing and fun and carefree.

We left on Saturday afternoon after my usual morning teaching (my boss was a bit antsy and wouldn't let me take the final Saturday of term off), and got to our place we were staying in about 2 hours... We stayed at this very cute studio cottage called "Tricklebeck Cottage" in Blackheath, and it was quite private and just really pleasant. It had a spa, and we definitely took advantage of that...

Saturday afternoon and evening was spent just lazing around the cottage, and then going out for dinner. Sunday morning we slept in, then had a late breakfast and drove around to Echo Point. We strolled over to the Three Sisters, and then went for some wine tasting and bought a few bottles of wine. Then we visited the Blue Mountains Chocolate place nearby, and bought some chocolate and had some "real hot chocolate" - basically melted chocolate... oh it was just all too much! It had this really cool fondue thing with a spoon that doubled up as a straw and yah, really cool. Went back to the cottage, relaxed a bit with some cheese and wine, and then went out to dinner again.

Sunday we booked to go horse riding in the mountains, and we both agreed that we're totally not morning people. Horse riding is surprisingly sore for someone who doesn't do it often - my legs and butt had quite a bit of a workout! Anyways, it was such a lovely day, and the horses we had were lovely, and we spent a good 2 hours just strolling along on horseback, admiring the mountains. By the time we finished, we were hungry, and so Mark thought it'd be a great idea to go and have lunch in Mt Tomah, where there is a huge botanical garden and apparently really good food - which we didn't end up having because they decided to shut the restaurant that day. So we drove down to Bilpin and had some scones, pie and apple pie there. It was a pleasant drive, and for once it's awesome being in the passenger's seat.

After Bilpin, I wanted to venture down to the tearooms in Megalong Valley, and driving down the windy road was fun! :D We had more tea and scones, and just chilled out for a bit. I drove the way up, and we decided to finally utilise the spa... Chocolate, cheese, wine and a spa bath with heaps of bubbles made the afternoon totally awesome!

After the spa, we were kinda hungry, and finally we were able to get into this Italian restaurant nearby because the nights before were too busy or booked out. It was such lovely affordable food, and I got a wee tipsy because we've been having wine all afternoon and had another glass for dinner.

And we basically talked all night... It was - I dunno how to describe it, but yah, we established that we're totally comfortable with each other and that we love each other very very much, and hence the smittenness... I'm just totally happy and glowing, and I am thankful to have found such a wonderful person to share my life with... And we feel the same way about each other, it's quite amusing! :D

I wonder when this honeymoon period is about to end... Because I really don't want it to end at all. This is what I've wanted for quite sometime, and I feel extremely lucky to have found Mark and that he has found me...


I obviously should be doing my assignments... I found out about an assignment today that is due tomorrow, but fortunately enough it's something I can do in a short amount of time... hence the reason why I'm not doing it right now.

That 2000 word assignment due 2 weeks ago - still haven't handed it in. Will make it into 1500ish words instead and hopefully hand it in tomorrow. It's currently sitting at 1200ish words now, at least, so only a few hundred more words and I'm done like roast chicken.

Got a free tv - as if I need more procrastination tools. So I bought a digital set top box and a very cheap small dvd player, and connected it in. But the set top box doesn't work - why? Because it needs an antenna... duh. I'm such a ditz when it comes to situations like these. At least I connected the dvd player properly - that's definitely working.

Mark has been relatively busy in between show (which I see him anyways) and uni work - and I felt sorry for him yesterday when the night before he pulled an all nighter, and was just extremely tired the following day. I would never be able to do that... I would at least sleep for 2-3 hours even if I have to hand it in that day. For me now, though, I just sleep and not bother waking up and hand in assignments 2 weeks late instead of on time. Gah. I've finally broken one of the rules I had this year in regards to class - hand every assignment in time.

Oh and I'm very very excited about going to the Blue Mountains on the long weekend - we've booked ourselves a cottage and we're going to spend a whole 2-3 days together without worrying about whether we need to do this assignment or attend this rehearsal or mark these papers and what not. It'd be extremely nice, and very couplish... I haven't done this before, and I'm looking forward to it muchly... Photos will definitely be posted here when I come back!

CSE Revue is a bit crazy, but it's so much fun! Only 3 more shows to go... Then I won't be seeing my boy every single night. Oh well, I'll be seeing him anyways in the evenings most probably after work or something. I really adore him... if you haven't noticed!

*sigh* Should finish off my assignment now... Wish me luck!


This weekend has been quite the Mark weekend - been spending a lot of time with him, and it's awesome!

Many aspects made the weekend quite the awesome weekend with my baby... First of all, his parents went camping over the weekend because of long weekend APEC, and so Mark invited me to come over and hang out for at least one night (ended up being all three nights) so he could cook me breakfast... :D So he's cooked me breakfast two mornings in a row, plus dinner on Saturday night, and will cook me breakfast tomorrow morning apparently as well... woohoo!

Mark driving me everywhere is also quite the novelty... It's been a while since I was able to just sit in a car and not worry about parking and speeding and traffic lights. And it also makes 40 minute car drives seem a bit shorter because we have eachother's company and conversation to make time pass by quickly.

But there was one golden moment of the weekend, and this moment is quite priceless...

Mark and James (Douglass, drummer of CSE Band) had to meet up a little bit earlier before today's tech run to grab some guitar leads for the show, so Mark and I picked him up on the way to Allans in Alexandria. Whilst they were drooling over the different guitars and drums after getting the leads they needed, Mark walked over to the amps section and found an amp he's been looking for for a while - a small, retro, re-released Fender Champion amp, a model that was made in the 60s or something, and once Mark played a guitar through that amp he instantly wanted it... Whilst contemplating whether to purchase this amp or not, Mark says:
"It's like the Ness version of an amp: Little and Awesome!"
So James walked away laughing, probably thinking how corny and cheesy that line was, and romantic in an odd way, and I just laughed for a very very very long time... Never before have I been compared to an amp, and I dunno whether it's a flattering thing or not - but Mark definitely made it into some sort of flattery! And despite all the laughing and giggling, I'm sure I was blushing on the inside....

Anyhow, I'm currently in his bedroom on my laptop, typing up this blog as I speak... I haven't been smitten like this in such an incredibly long time, and I'm having such fun with Mark - I absolutely adore him. For his birthday recently, I got him a bunch of Happy Birthday balloons and one big huge helium red guitar balloon (if you haven't figured out, he plays guitar) plus 13 little cupcakes, each having a candle spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY... and drove to his place and surprised him. Apparently, I impressed his parents, and his sister likes me already despite the fact she's in Sweden (I talked to her over the phone, it was kinda weird but pleasant).

So this is my selfish entry about how I love Mark and how I'm over the moon and just absolutely head over heels... So happy right now, it's ridiculous. :D


Two minutes before 3am, and so far I've only written 150 words on top of the 500 I already had for a 2000 word assignment that's due technically today. Don't think I'll finish it at all...

Despite the fact I'm genuinely happy and everything, there have been a few disappointments here and there... and I think being that time of the month and stuff, I feel that it's adding emotion to the drama that doesn't necessarily need to be there.

But the happy stuff... Lemme see. Mark wants to take me away after CSE Revue, to go for a drive along the Great Ocean Road, and be all coupley and stuff. I'm so excited! I hope it happens and I'd be ten excited once Mark thinks about it all... Although I feel sorry for him because he's inundated with uni work, and spending time with me doesn't really help.

One of the cast members of CSE made up the term "Vanecessary", which I find quite amusing... I wonder if I can change this blog's address to this name??? I would so love to! Kudos to Sammy for thinking that! Although, he sometimes uses it to mock me... "Is it really Vanecessary?"

I'm quite tired, and I'm only at the 720 word mark with this 2000 word report... Apparently it doesn't have to be 2000 so I might even just say that it's half way... I aim to write roughly 1500, if I do more, then yay.

For now, I shall have a nap. Let's see if I can wake up tomorrow morning and finish it in 2-3 hours, hand it in and then go to do some rehearsals and stuff and have just a general busy night. I'm excited!

I kinda missed blogging...

There's something about typing about one's self that makes a great pass time... And yay, first sentence in and you already know that I'm lazy and a huge procrastinator!

I deleted my multiply account because I felt obliged to write an entry every so often, and when I did, it would be quite boring or just a whole heap of whinging. Don't get me wrong, I'll still whinge on this blog, but I have happier things to talk about now!

Anyhow, sometimes blogging has its advantages: friends who haven't seen you in a while can still update themselves with what's going on in your life, although the downside of that is sometimes there's not much left to say when you actually see them up front. But we all live busy lives (or at least I do for some periods of the year) and I just don't get to see so-and-so and so-and-so... Hopefully those so-and-sos will come across my blog and they'll be updated in the life of Ness!

Quick update:

1) I'm no longer single... Or officially single anyhow (those who know me well would have heard about the quasi relationship I had beforehand). His name is Mark and he's my favourite person in the world at the moment! I absolutely adore him, and he's just so cute and lovely and smart and considerate... I haven't felt strongly for a boy in a while - or maybe even ever! I sometimes think no, I shouldn't compare, but when I do, so far I don't remember being this happy in the beginning of a relationship compared to all the other relationships I've had previously. For once I told my parents about him and it wasn't a problem, and they seemed as though they genuinely want to meet him and see why I'm happy.

So relationship wise, it's been great. I can't help but smile heaps whenever I think of him, and how lucky I am to have found such a great guy to be with... *smitten*

2) Still studying after all these years... I should have graduated by now with a double degree if I were a diligent student. But I'm not. Also, it doesn't really help when you're not entirely clear of what you wanna do. Currently deferring UNSW and am at JMC doing Music Business Management... And to be honest, I miss UNSW. When I was at UNSW I was whinging and complaining (what's new?) about how it's very wanky and I'm studying subjects that I know I don't need in the next 5 years or so. Then transferring to JMC Academy, it made me appreciate academia. Standards at JMC aren't too high, and most of the things they teach are quite straight forward. So I'm thinking, leave this year with a Diploma instead of staying for the full 3 years for the degree, and go back to UNSW to finish my BMus and graduate. Hopefully then, I could possibly try and do Masters in Arts management over at UTS, or just go to work. Who knows what's going to happen in the next 2 years or so.

3) My family are cool... My parents still nag that I should do this and do that and that they're slightly disappointed with me, you know, the whole Asian shpeil. But they still love me - they still take care of me, they still take me out for dinners and let me join in on family holidays, and if I need their help they still give it to me. And from time they even ask for my help, and if I can I'm always willing to, because I appreciate them despite some of the things they say and do. They're family, and going against your own family says something about yourself.

My little brother is growing up! Well, I guess that's inevitable, but it was only yesterday when he was a cute, chubby toddler running around with curly hair and just being adorable. Now he's my height and talking about computer games and how girls should chase him, not the other way around... Tony is still adorable, and I do hope he grows up to be a great person. He can be considerate and kind, and I hope that part of his personality will stay as he goes through puberty and what not. Although my mother said something really disturbing last night - she wanted my little brother to stay at home when he gets married, and Dad and I automatically went "No!". That was a bit awkward - I mean, I thought marriage meant you live with your partner and create your own household. I would be disturbed if my mother was hanging around... Mum's rationale was so that Tony can save up money for a house if he wanted to. I'm like - at that stage, if he's married he'd probably have some sort of financial security and therefore would be able to afford a mortgage. I think my mum is afraid of being alone... but at least Dad and I were at the same wavelength - when Tony gets married, he can do whatever he wants. Although I'd be terribly shocked if Tony does decide to stay at home when he gets married....

4) Shows do take over your life sometimes. I'm currently doing CSE Revue, and they're such a lovely bunch of people... Well, that's where I met Mark - through band for the revue (which makes Mark even sexier because he plays a musical instrument - guitar, in fact). I have been having fun vocal directing, taking photos and playing keys again, and meeting a whole heap of new people as well as hanging out with a few familiars... My social circle has just increased twofold, and it's just a whole heap of fun. I still love my NUTS friends, and the Studio Four peeps, but I get restless, and I sometimes like meeting new people for the sake of meeting new people, and CSE Revue has given me that opportunity. Great friendships are going to blossom from this experience, and for that I'm glad. I'm also glad that I was able to get a romantic (and musical) hook up out of it as well!

5) Teaching little kiddies can be fun, but I know I won't be doing it forever. Although yesterday when I was teaching one of my students were sneezing and he was so adorable! Teaching sometimes makes me clucky, and want kids, but I know I don't want any anytime soon. I like this job because it pays relatively well, and is good for part-time work whilst stuyding, so I'm not fussed...

I think that's all for now, it's a relatively long entry about blah, but hopefully soon I'll write something profound.