Girl Crushes

So I've noticed that if I were ever to be a man or a lesbian, I kinda have a type in which I go for in terms of looks for girls.

Zooey Deschanel

First saw her in the movie with Jim Carey in Yes Man, and then fell in love with her in 500 Days of Summer (as well as crushing on Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Last night I saw her her in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and yes, she's so cute. Her husky voice and her blue eyes...

Katy Perry

She writes most of her own music, and she also has a sort of husky quality to her voice. Katy also looks a bit like Zooey too, with the dark hair and blue eyes. I also like Katy's sense of style - a mix match of vintage and quirky, and basically fairly out there (but not as out there as Lady Gaga...). Katy also has curves.

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Loved her in Secretary with James Spader, which is where I first saw her. Her transformation in that movie was awesome, and as an actress I always thought she was cool. I also loved her in Stranger Than Fiction with Will Ferrell, and even though they look like an odd pairing, I so would go for a threesome with them! :P

Dianna Agron

Plays Quinn Fabray in Glee, and she's basically the first blonde I really like. Her facial features just seem in such even proportion, and in the series when she starts wearing normal clothes and not wear her cheerleader outfit, she's quite feminine and pretty.

Marion Cotillard

She was quirky and cute in Love Me If You Dare, one of my favourite movies of all time. She was brilliant depicting Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose, and I'm totally looking forward to seeing her in Nine. Marion also has something that seems a bit French about her, I don't know what, but I think it's mainly because I first saw her in a French film.

So out of this list, I think I've come to the conclusion that I mostly like brunettes who are fairly feminine and slightly quirky. The eyes, I think, do it for me, as they all seem to have this slight innocence yet seductiveness to their looks. It also helps that they are in movies, shows or make music that I like...

Just a random thought I thought I'd share. :P

There is a change happening

And I want it to happen to me soon. Apparently I have an element of psychic in me that I need to nurture and tap into more. This could also be utter bullshit, but I've been told by more than one person. And those people were fortune tellers, so still, can be bullshit.

But I feel a change coming on. Or rather I WANT a frigging change to happen. I know, I know, I have to do things to MAKE this happen, but there are some things beyond my control, and my heart and mind are willing it to happen.

We'll see, I think turning 25 next month will be a significant time for me, and being 25 will also be an interesting year for me.

Is it just a matter of wanting what I can't have? I'm scared that's all it is to it, and once I have it I'll probably don't want it anymore. But right now the want is so great, it's slightly frustrating.

I should also stop being vague. :D

In other news, here's a clip dedicated to the current weather and how awesome the 90s were.

Back to the Hood

This weekend I took the opportunity to catch up with friends from when I lived in Bankstown who I haven't seen in around two years or something crazy. It's amazing to see where my friends are up to at the moment - marriage, babies, mortgages, etc.

I went to church with my family for the first time in yonks, and saw how a couple of my friends are now married with kids. They're around my age or a year or two older, and I was like - wow. I'm now at an age where everyone is settling down and starting families. It's the age of "responsibility".

I have friends who have a son together, and their son is absolutely gorgeous. He's almost 2 (in a week), and he's very clever for his age - could recognise colours and is making an effort to identify objects. He warmed up to me straight away, and kept showing off his new toys and such, bringing me a different car of his and trying to play ball with me. He's half Polish, half Vietnamese, so you could imagine how absolutely adorable this boy is - I was totally in love. Made me hideously clucky, and when he was giving me hugs goodbye I just wanted to take him home. He was pretty sociable and I said to his parents that he would become a heart breaker one day, because he seems absolutely charming. He was a good kid, who kept amusing himself, and was very inquisitive about things and loved to share.

Then the dad of this kid brings up a newspaper article (which funnily enough my housemate brings up later that evening) about how Bankstown is one of the top 10 suburbs in Sydney to have had the most births in the past year. Blacktown is the highest one, with something like 550 births registered last year - crazy. I see lots of babies around Bankstown, and having at least 4-5 friends around my age having just had kids, I don't find it hard to believe at all.

I obviously am not in a position to have kids yet. Hell, don't have a partner to have one with! But I'm not afraid of kids, and in fact I would love some, just not now. Or I guess it'll just happen when I'm ready... Sometimes you can't really predict when you become a parent - it can come sooner than you think if one is not careful. And when you are ready, it may take some time before your wishes are fulfilled. But I see little kids, especially the toddler stage of around two or three, and my heart melts. Seeing as I don't see myself dating another Asian (no offense to the Asian guys I know), I imagine my son to look similar to my friends' son I met for the first time today, and I think that's probably why I was extremely clucky.

Here's to those who are getting married, buying their first property, and having kids. I shall one day catch up to you guys one day, but for the meantime I'm going to be single, partying and travelling whilst I'm not tied down with responsibility. I'm guessing it's just not my time yet.

The token New Year entry.

Am I the only one who's fairly apathetic about the New Year? I think I am. I guess people take this opportunity to start afresh, to forget all the crap that happened the year before, and move on with new (or not so new) resolutions.

Why am I apathetic? I believe that we don't need a date to dictate a new attitude and hope. Things should change no matter the date. We don't need a date to reflect on who we are and what we were and what has been done, as that can be done any old time in the year.

Fair enough use this time as an excuse to party and get drunk, but I've used every Saturday night as an excuse to party and get drunk. :D Fair enough use this time to lose the extra kilos, to read those books, to do more exercise, to eat more healthily, to save more money. And as per usual, try within the first month and by February you're back to your original habits. Cynical and sour? It's because I've been there, done that.

But if I were to reflect on 2009, I have been through a lot more than I expected. I made 4 wishes/goals that year, and fulfilled 3 of them. I only have one left, and I'm "carrying it over" to the new year, but to me it's just a constant goal no matter what time of the year it is. A break up, a degree, a bit of soul-searching here and there.

Lots of wine, bodies, words, music, sighing, touching, talking, looking, seeing, hugging, loving, hating, empathising, sympathising, crying, laughing, sexing, kissing, lusting, lying, truth.

Lots of living.

But I need more of me. I've noticed I've attended to so many (sounds egotistic I know), and I do have lots of friends around me who love and care for me, and I've got a loving family who also love and care for me unconditionally. I sit thinking about the many hims, yet they don't think the same way about me. I highly doubt they're thinking the same about me, and I need to get myself out of that rut and just think of me.

So if I were to make any resolution then this is it - it's just me. I'm on the top of the list. I don't need to care of anyone else anymore. Things are for me and me only. Lots of me. I think my heart and mind is worn and tired from caring and giving and teaching and nurturing. But I have a feeling it's going to be so hard for me, because I know that naturally I am compliant, giving and generous most of the time.

Here's to being selfish for once. Even if it's just for a month, so that if or when I fall back to my previous habits when the effort wears off by the second month, I can say I tried.