Knitting mojo - where art thou?

Is it because I've been busy? I love knitting, and it's something that I can do with my hands other than creating music. I was told it waxes and wanes but yah, I have projects to finish! I've disappointed a swap partner right now, and I have been quite busy as of late, but still!

I've also been meaning to put up another episode of my knitting video blog - but it's like 2 months overdue right now... Sigh.

And uni is slowly creeping up with its responsibilities. Another sigh.

I also have like tons of social engagements - which really, I shouldn't complain. But I haven't been this social in a very long time. Monday has become my weekend more so than any other day (even though I work on Monday).

Also a dear friend of mine, LynS, is celebrating her birthday today. I wish her much happiness and knitting joy as she celebrates yet another awesome year on earth. She's a wonderful, inspiring woman, and I enjoy her company whenever we knit together. Happy Birthday, Lyn! :D

Who needs a label anyway?

People like to categorise things as it makes it easier to define and identify.

I was recently asked whether I was bi. I don't know really, I do think I'm probably more straight and possibly bi-curious, but I have the theory that if I'm attracted to someone, I'm attracted to someone, whether that person is a he or she. So far they have currently been mostly boys, but I have fallen for a girl or two in the past.

And then I have friends who are in complicated relationships - between the fine line of something that is "casual" to actually "going out", and the impact the title brings to the relationship can definitely strain it. I've been in a situation similar to that before, and the confusion it brings can cause definite heart ache and self doubt. But the pressure to have a relationship at a certain level can make having a relationship really tiring and just no fun. And right now all I'm up for is fun, even if it would confuse other people.

Which makes me think about the word "marriage". My understanding of marriage is that it is a union between two people recognised by the state/nation/whatever. The cliche is that people get married and "settle down", but I don't necessarily see that. I see marriage as a proclaimation between two people wanting to stay with eachother for the rest of their lives. Or until the divorce. People argue that you can still have a relationship without a marriage, but I think marriage can still be important as a legal thing and just a celebration of a couple being a couple.

But then - why say I believe in marriage, but also believe that labels are over rated at times? Isn't being married a label in itself? I guess. But I see marriage as a level of relationship - like if we start from being acquaintances, to friends, to lovers, to a married couple, and all the stuff in between.

I probably overthink too much and non-sensically whilst really tired from little sleep, but hey, I like to share my messy thoughts sometime.

So it's been a while...

Since I've done a post. Only because I've been distracted...

Currently doing a show which finishes this Saturday night (City of Angels @ UNSW with NUTS) and I'm having quite a lot of fun. It's been ages since I've been able to go out until 4am drinking and hanging out and just being me.

Being single enables me to just be free and flirt heaps (with both guys and girls) and let loose. I'm not concerned about offending anyone, as I can be my outrageous self once again. This show will probably be my last student production (if I pass everything that is), and I am happy for this show to be the last, as the experience has been great. The people have been awesome so far - cast, crew and orchestra.

As I was driving home after giving a lift home to Nikk (who directed the show), it just occurred to me how different single life can be. I haven't been "alone" for a while. I put alone in quotation marks because as one of my best friends has said to me, I'm not really the type to be "alone" in the sense that I thrive being in a group, and I'm not really ever "alone". The most blatant example was getting a foster cat a couple of weeks after my breakup a month and a half ago. For the past couple of years I've been jumping from one person to the next, and the biggest gap I had was 6 months and that was way back after my first ever real relationship in my teens. Since that break the gaps always ranged from 4-6 weeks, which in essence doesn't really give me enough time to be myself. Or that by the end of that 4-6 weeks I reach a stage where I'm so confident being on my own that (and I may sound a bit pigheaded here) I seem to attract people because I'm just loud and out there.

I've also noticed a change in the clothes I wear too. I've started wearing my ties again, and wearing hats. For some reason when I'm in relationships I stop wearing them or at least don't wear them that often... I guess when you're taken, you are less likely to want to attract attention to yourself. A girl wearing a tie does attract a bit of attention, and the styles of hats I wear do attract a bit more attention than usual.

I've also come to realise that I probably should just have lots of fun between now and when I think I have found "the one"... And I really do truly believe that I can find him out there. You may laugh but I seriously think there is such a thing as a soul mate, but for some reason I guess I've been naive to think I have found him for the past couple of times... I guess I can only wait to know what it really does feel like, and I have an inkling that when I find him it'll just click. Damn them Hollywood romcoms.

I have had friends who have a checklist for when they find Mr Perfect, but honestly, I don't think I could do such a checklist. Why restrict yourself? I guess the only restriction I'm allowing is that my "soul mate" is male. I probably have guidelines -the usual stuff like the preferable age, race, interests, etc. I definitely know that whoever I do end up with will be creative in some way, mainly because I am and I feed off other people who are creative around me. But other than that, why bother with the guidelines? It only disappoints you more.

One thing I'm a bit sad about lately is that I've kinda lost my knitting mojo.... And my study mojo, but that's not as fun as knitting. I hope to get back into it once I finish the show, and have a bit more time to chill out and knit things again.

Anyways, thought I'd share a lightbulb moment that I had when I was driving home alone. I like having car trips on my own sometimes, as I like to talk to myself and just wonder about things. I may be in a slight denial, but I think I'm getting comfortable with myself again and just being me. In order to attract, you gotta love yourself, and I think I'm most of the way there. I hope. :D