Rainy Days and Disappointment....

I really have nothing to complain about. I do have it pretty good - an awesome boyfriend, an awesome household, a loving family (that's not part of household), a car and always some financial stability, whether it's from my well-paying part-time job or assistance from my family.

But for some reason, for the past few days, it's been kinda off.

Firstly, I was disappointed that I couldn't do that film course I wanted to do as a gen ed over summer because it had a prerequisite. That kinda burst my bubble in the hopes of making a short film.

Then came the gig that I was involved in recently at Bar Me, and the end payment was quite dismal. I was disappointed because I had to attend quite a few rehearsals between July and November (that was at least 4 months of weekly rehearsals) and to only come up with a small amount of money really disappointed me... And it wasn't as though the gig actually led me anywhere (except to Bar Me Open Mics, which are awesome).

Yesterday, I met up with Alex to discuss doing a short film together, and asked me to do the sound design, and for some reason I didn't seem excited about it. He noted that I seemed not my bubbly self, and I didn't know why I was just not into it, but I felt distanced and just not with it then.

Then I had to deal with a difficult class yesterday, and usually they're not that bad, but for some reason they were worse. The threats did not seem to have an effect, and so a stern "I'm disappointed in all the boys in the class" (there's only one girl, and she's pretty much well behaved, and was the only one to receive a sticker at the end of the class) in front of their parents made them realise that I was not happy with them.

But what kinda upset me was something someone said to me last night over the internet. Granted it was the internet and interpretation can be skewed, but it really affected me and I was upset. Which made me wake up dreary and upset this morning, and waking up to the rain even added to the slight depression. This made me not be in the mood for work experience, which has been awesome in the past week, but I just wanted time to myself today and therefore chucked a sickie.

I'm trying relatively hard at the moment to appreciate all the great things I have, including wonderful Mark and the work experience opportunity, and having a great support network around with friends and family, all the small shitty things that get in the way just makes me feel a bit worn down. I should possibly go off the pill maybe, and hopefully then this small bout of depression will disappear.

I do, however, appreciate the rain, and waking up to it in the morning makes me wanna stay in bed all day.

I had a dream...

And it was an awesome prospect if it happened in real life...

Basically towards the end of the dream, I was in an office. I was asked by a random woman what I was doing during my Easter holiday... I said "Nothing... why?" and she asked me whether I would like to go to New York for some work experience.

OMG if this happened, say, sometime next year where I get to follow someone as a personal assistant to New York, I would totally cry.

So what did I do? I applied (late) for an internship at Sydney Symphony so even if I do not get considered this year, I can still have made some sort of "hey I'm around, if not I'll apply next year" type of thing. I'm hoping Sydney Symphony will still accept my application - it was only 4 days late... :S

Anyhow, I'm going to make sure that next year will be my final year of uni, or at least mostly my final year of uni. I really want to start working on a career... *sigh*

So what now?

Well, JMC is currently over, and I'm enjoying my spare time, although there are many things I need to do.

Can I be bothered doing them? No not really....

Like going to the gym. I've only been once in the past 3 months, and I went again last Monday... I should go again today, and do the exercise for half an hour 3 times a week thing to get fit and lose weight... but sigh, laziness prevails. Maybe I'll go after this blog entry.

Mark is fantastic as per usual... We're still in honeymoon period I think, and whenever I think of him I still smile heaps, so yah... Nothing's really changed there.

Back to UNSW next year, and I have like 2 options - either keep doing Music/Arts and graduate at the same time as Mark, or just do Music and kinda graduate at the end of next year and hopefully apply for a masters for the following year... I have no idea at the moment, and I have applied to just drop my arts, but I feel like getting it back now. Ah, fickle me.

Anyways, I'm at a point where I need to get things sorted, because I feel like uni should end soon, and that I need to start a career...

Ok - due to go gymming now....

Sorry for such a boring entry. :D