I really have nothing to complain about. I do have it pretty good - an awesome boyfriend, an awesome household, a loving family (that's not part of household), a car and always some financial stability, whether it's from my well-paying part-time job or assistance from my family.
But for some reason, for the past few days, it's been kinda off.
Firstly, I was disappointed that I couldn't do that film course I wanted to do as a gen ed over summer because it had a prerequisite. That kinda burst my bubble in the hopes of making a short film.
Then came the gig that I was involved in recently at Bar Me, and the end payment was quite dismal. I was disappointed because I had to attend quite a few rehearsals between July and November (that was at least 4 months of weekly rehearsals) and to only come up with a small amount of money really disappointed me... And it wasn't as though the gig actually led me anywhere (except to Bar Me Open Mics, which are awesome).
Yesterday, I met up with Alex to discuss doing a short film together, and asked me to do the sound design, and for some reason I didn't seem excited about it. He noted that I seemed not my bubbly self, and I didn't know why I was just not into it, but I felt distanced and just not with it then.
Then I had to deal with a difficult class yesterday, and usually they're not that bad, but for some reason they were worse. The threats did not seem to have an effect, and so a stern "I'm disappointed in all the boys in the class" (there's only one girl, and she's pretty much well behaved, and was the only one to receive a sticker at the end of the class) in front of their parents made them realise that I was not happy with them.
But what kinda upset me was something someone said to me last night over the internet. Granted it was the internet and interpretation can be skewed, but it really affected me and I was upset. Which made me wake up dreary and upset this morning, and waking up to the rain even added to the slight depression. This made me not be in the mood for work experience, which has been awesome in the past week, but I just wanted time to myself today and therefore chucked a sickie.
I'm trying relatively hard at the moment to appreciate all the great things I have, including wonderful Mark and the work experience opportunity, and having a great support network around with friends and family, all the small shitty things that get in the way just makes me feel a bit worn down. I should possibly go off the pill maybe, and hopefully then this small bout of depression will disappear.
I do, however, appreciate the rain, and waking up to it in the morning makes me wanna stay in bed all day.
She’s everything. He’s just a monkey.
1 month ago
