Stuff and procrastination

So I'm procrastinating again. From what?, you may ask. A dreaded essay which is already 5 days late. And when I hopefully finish it tonight or tomorrow morning, I have another 3000 word essay due the following week, plus my log book which is 4 or 5 entries behind (that means roughly 600-750 words that I need to catch up on, but it's basically on my opinion and what I've learnt and possibly extra reading, which is a good thing I guess).

I'm the opposite of Mark, I think. Despite the obvious reasons being he's a boy and I'm a girl, I'm physically Asian (although I feel as though my mindset ain't) and he's such a white boy, it's pretty obvious that Mark is the hard worker and, like, I'm not. :D I'm definitely not an academic, even though people may say I'm kinda smart and what not (I'm not that smart, I think my boy is like ten times smarter than me), and in order to show that I'm "smart" I have to work pretty hard and to be honest, I can't be bothered.

My parents are wanting me to finish my degree sooner rather than later. I told my dad the other day that due to timetabling I may just have to stay back for another session and finish just one subject off, but that will allow me to work full time and start saving money to go overseas with my gorgeous boy for a whole year. Dad didn't seem to like that prospect. But I do want to travel whilst Mark and I are old enough to be brave and try new things, but not be too young and naive that we'd make stupid mistakes or we're not allowed to do things like drink alcohol in the US (I'm kinda thankful that I've left it til after I'm 21 to go there, otherwise Vegas would be boring... it was boring when I was there as a 7 year old).

I actually can't wait to start full time teaching. I don't mind teaching for a year or so. I do eventually wanna do something like Honours or Masters if I get to choose what I want to study. For my masters I wanna do film studies at UTS possibly, and learn how to make a film all over again. I didn't really enjoy film theory at UNSW, and as much as I enjoyed studying about film genres, I still hate writing essays.

I've discovered that I'm probably ten times better at doing things like presentations. I got a distinction the other day thinking that I was under prepared for that presentation, but she commented on how I explained my topic thoroughly and answered the questions well and what not, and the mark was almost a HD. But my writing is shocking - it was only Credit standard, and it exemplifies how I just don't like writing. First and Second year stuff were a bit easier and less words and all, and about topics that I know thoroughly well, but for Aboriginal music (this essay which is already 5 days late) I feel inadequate again, and I hate my writing style, as I feel it is mediocre and just not academic enough. Sigh... If I do decide to do Honours or Masters, it'll definitely be mostly, if not all, course work, and not Thesis work. And the thesis work involved will definitely be of a topic that interests me thoroughly. :D

After this affirmation that I hate essay writing, I also came to think that I'm one of the most fickle people around. One day I would say I wanna go back to studying, and the next day I wanna go into full time work. But I can't really get into full time work without a degree, although the part-time job I have at the moment wants me on full-time, and it shows that I don't need a degree in order to do this job. I can't wait until next year where all I need to worry about is teaching during the day, and I could do things like procrastinate on the internet and knit and stuff in my spare time. And probably hang out and do things like watch movies and theatre, and go out and be creative and all that. Maybe the extent of my learnings would be to take up a photography course online so that I can take awesome photos by the time I go overseas...

Anyhows, now that shows are dying down and I'm getting less busy, I really need to concentrate and ho-down on my assignments for the next two weeks until uni finishes. This really shows that I'm pretty good at starting things, just not finishing things... and you could probably tell by my knitting - ten zillion projects at the one time, but have I really finished many? Nah...

Oh, and Markyboo is going to Greece this Friday for the Artemis Project Competition. I'm tres excited for him! His syndicate is entering a Clarinet playing robot, and apparently it's quite behind schedule, but hopefully all will be well once it gets there. Gonna miss him for a whole week! We've been spending every day with eachother for the past 5 or so months, it's been crazy! Also, we've been going out for 9 months already... 3 more months and it'll be a year. It would be my first ever official long term relationship, I wonder what else is in store!

Rainy Days and Disappointment....

I really have nothing to complain about. I do have it pretty good - an awesome boyfriend, an awesome household, a loving family (that's not part of household), a car and always some financial stability, whether it's from my well-paying part-time job or assistance from my family.

But for some reason, for the past few days, it's been kinda off.

Firstly, I was disappointed that I couldn't do that film course I wanted to do as a gen ed over summer because it had a prerequisite. That kinda burst my bubble in the hopes of making a short film.

Then came the gig that I was involved in recently at Bar Me, and the end payment was quite dismal. I was disappointed because I had to attend quite a few rehearsals between July and November (that was at least 4 months of weekly rehearsals) and to only come up with a small amount of money really disappointed me... And it wasn't as though the gig actually led me anywhere (except to Bar Me Open Mics, which are awesome).

Yesterday, I met up with Alex to discuss doing a short film together, and asked me to do the sound design, and for some reason I didn't seem excited about it. He noted that I seemed not my bubbly self, and I didn't know why I was just not into it, but I felt distanced and just not with it then.

Then I had to deal with a difficult class yesterday, and usually they're not that bad, but for some reason they were worse. The threats did not seem to have an effect, and so a stern "I'm disappointed in all the boys in the class" (there's only one girl, and she's pretty much well behaved, and was the only one to receive a sticker at the end of the class) in front of their parents made them realise that I was not happy with them.

But what kinda upset me was something someone said to me last night over the internet. Granted it was the internet and interpretation can be skewed, but it really affected me and I was upset. Which made me wake up dreary and upset this morning, and waking up to the rain even added to the slight depression. This made me not be in the mood for work experience, which has been awesome in the past week, but I just wanted time to myself today and therefore chucked a sickie.

I'm trying relatively hard at the moment to appreciate all the great things I have, including wonderful Mark and the work experience opportunity, and having a great support network around with friends and family, all the small shitty things that get in the way just makes me feel a bit worn down. I should possibly go off the pill maybe, and hopefully then this small bout of depression will disappear.

I do, however, appreciate the rain, and waking up to it in the morning makes me wanna stay in bed all day.

I had a dream...

And it was an awesome prospect if it happened in real life...

Basically towards the end of the dream, I was in an office. I was asked by a random woman what I was doing during my Easter holiday... I said "Nothing... why?" and she asked me whether I would like to go to New York for some work experience.

OMG if this happened, say, sometime next year where I get to follow someone as a personal assistant to New York, I would totally cry.

So what did I do? I applied (late) for an internship at Sydney Symphony so even if I do not get considered this year, I can still have made some sort of "hey I'm around, if not I'll apply next year" type of thing. I'm hoping Sydney Symphony will still accept my application - it was only 4 days late... :S

Anyhow, I'm going to make sure that next year will be my final year of uni, or at least mostly my final year of uni. I really want to start working on a career... *sigh*

So what now?

Well, JMC is currently over, and I'm enjoying my spare time, although there are many things I need to do.

Can I be bothered doing them? No not really....

Like going to the gym. I've only been once in the past 3 months, and I went again last Monday... I should go again today, and do the exercise for half an hour 3 times a week thing to get fit and lose weight... but sigh, laziness prevails. Maybe I'll go after this blog entry.

Mark is fantastic as per usual... We're still in honeymoon period I think, and whenever I think of him I still smile heaps, so yah... Nothing's really changed there.

Back to UNSW next year, and I have like 2 options - either keep doing Music/Arts and graduate at the same time as Mark, or just do Music and kinda graduate at the end of next year and hopefully apply for a masters for the following year... I have no idea at the moment, and I have applied to just drop my arts, but I feel like getting it back now. Ah, fickle me.

Anyways, I'm at a point where I need to get things sorted, because I feel like uni should end soon, and that I need to start a career...

Ok - due to go gymming now....

Sorry for such a boring entry. :D