I'm a Catholic, a sister, a girlfriend, and above all other things, terrible.

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*****Warning: It's a long entry, so if you don't read it now, I'll rant it to you in person.*****

So the Easter break comes by, and what decides to come to greet me? A dose of the cold and gastro. It was fun*.

I didn't go to Good Friday mass, and, I must admit, I had the Catholic guilt tugging behind me like a puppy with three legs and one eye. I have been raised by a very Catholic family, whom are funnily enough not always the most Christian people I know. When I say Christian, I mean forgiving, sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, loving, generous - the virtues that the religion tends to try and educate en masse. My dad, ironically, I think is more Christian than my mother, even though Dad converted into Catholicism to marry my mother because my mother demanded it**. My mother, however, even though I do love her, forgives but never forgets (which in my mind, I don't think is real forgiveness), is hardly sympathetic because she thinks I'm the drama queen and even though I know she loves me, sometimes I find it hard to accept it when all she does is criticise my every move and my physical being. Dad does more volunteer work in the church than mum does, so when my mother tells me off for not going to church I don't feel that guilty, because even though mum has been going to church without fail for the past few years, I haven't seen her become more generous in her time, or more sympathetic towards others (especially when it's all about gossip), or more understanding. I claim I'm a non-ritualistic Catholic - that I do appreciate going to mass, but just not on a weekly basis, and I still believe most of the teachings the church provides (I just don't agree with some of the doctrines, like sex before marriage, and contraception, and abortion... but let's talk about that another time).

I know it's easy to criticise and be hypocritical, and I must admit I am hypocritical at the best of times, but for my mother to tell me off because I haven't been to church even though my mother going to church without fail for the past few years hasn't really stopped her from being as "sinful" as me, then I think I'm entitled to my break from religion. It's been the first time in (probably) my whole entire life that I've missed a Good Friday mass, and one out of 23 ain't that bad.

Due to my sickness, I was a bit low energy for Med Revue, and following that I was totally focusing on recovering on Tuesday for one of my bosses. Being aloof and always double booking myself, over the weekend I also agreed to picking up Tony after school on Tuesday... but forgot. So when I got a missed phone call from home at the end of teaching my last class on Tuesday afternoon, the first reaction was "SHIT! I FORGOT TONY!" and called him straight away. Thankfully he took the bus to my place and was waiting outside, and whilst waiting he was doing his homework, but for a good 2.5 hours he was left wondering where I was and why I haven't picked him up. I got there, and he was all forgiving and said "That's ok..." but I knew deep down inside he was hurt because someone close to him had the ability to forget about him. I remember when I was younger my dad always took his sweet time picking me up, and one stage I thought he forgot me when I was left at school for a good hour or so. There was also once on a Parent/Teacher interview night where he was a good hour and a half late, and I hated to keep the teachers waiting, and for someone who declared that my education was very important and that I had to be top of the class, he seemed a bit careless when it actually came to showing that to others besides myself. So when Tony told me that he wasn't angry at me, just slightly upset, I truly felt what he was feeling and I became that horrible monster that dad was when I was crying to myself anxiously waiting near the gates of the school, wondering why I was so forgettable. I also now know how life and work can get the better of you, that you tend to forget that there are those who still depend on you and they're around you hanging on for your next word, but you're too self-absorbed to even notice. I'm so sorry Tony, and I swear I'll make it up to you***.

And whenever I talk to people about religion, and I tell them that I'm Catholic (and don't worry, I'm not that devout), I say that the one thing that I'm totally grateful for is the fact that I've learnt to be generous through being Catholic. So generous that when I got the cold and gastro, I gave it to the one I love most - my boyfriend, Mark. So over the weekend he was driving me everywhere (to rehearsal, back home from Bankstown, yadda yadda yadda) and trying to take care of me that he eventually got sick himself - but, like, times ten. He got gastro big time. To the extent that this morning, he woke up at 3 and didn't stop vomiting until around about 9 or 10. He was on the drip from about 6.30 til midday, and after that he still felt a bit ill, but was able to get home and kinda relax. I felt kinda bad because I gave it to him, but also it was a chance to test my girlfriend capabilities - how much do I love this boy that I'm willing to clean out a bucket of his bile and watch him throw up every half an hour? I must admit, I think I love him quite a bit to endure it all... I felt sorry for him, because when he's sick, he gets quite sensitive, and I believe when someone's sick you can see the little kid in them, being vulnerable and helpless and in need of some tender loving care. Thankfully Mark is steadily recovering, and it makes me realise that when you live with someone as a couple, you share more than just a bed - woot! You share saliva and therefore sicknesses.

So in summary, in the past few days, I've done nothing terribly productive in terms of the many uni assignments I have, and I've been a horrible Christian, sister and girlfriend. But I've been able to finish more knitting (thanks to the few hours of waiting time in the emergency ward of Balmain Hospital and RPA), have more of an excuse to feed my brother liquid sugar, and have been able to take care of my boy to show him how much I love him dearly. I'll deal with uni work later.

But for now, I should resume my domestic duties. *Sigh* Laundry, cleaning, bah!

* Notice the hint of sarcasm there.
** She is now telling me to get Mark to convert to Catholicism too.
*** With TWO slurpees at the Easter Show! :D

Shananigans Galore

I've been busy... just a bit. Tonight is the final show that I'm doing with Alix, and is my second show for the year. Uni just started this week, and teaching has been going on for a while, but I'm hoping to have more teaching work soon, otherwise I may just as well get another job on top of what I have.

So everything has eventually started, and I already feel bombarded. I have quite a bit of work to do for uni, and I have a bit of work to do show wise as well... Med Revue is coming up and that I shall be having to find time to juggle for. I'm also doing Annie Get Your Gun with Waverly Lugar Brae Players, so therefore May is going to be one big motherf***er of a month with 2 shows and being 3 quarters into the uni session with assignments and assessments due everywhere.

Today has been the first day where I didn't really have to do anything... All day I lazed around, and slept - a lot - except for the show tonight. Today has been a really tired day, because I think I drank just a little bit too much wine last night, and my body is trying to recover.

On Thursday night, my parents went to see the show, and Mark's parents was also there. And now they've met. It was slightly nerve wracking, but nevertheless it was bound to happen, seeing as I think my parents seem to like him quite a bit, and his parents seem to like me quite a bit also. So it's all important that everything works out, because I seriously want it to work out... Mark is very important to me, and I do hope nothing will get in the way of this.

Doing photography this session, and I'm absolutely loving it so far. It's only been one week, but it's been a great learning how the camera works and stuff... I wanna go to COFA or some postgrad photography school and learn photography as an artform... It's quite inspiring, but I dunno whether I'll be good at it or not. We'll see how my assessments turn out.

There's so much to do in the next few weeks - do uni homework and readings, research on things, practice piano, go to galleries of photo exhibitions, etc. Knitting has also slowed down because I'm doing so much, and that makes me sad... I love knitting and there have been times where I don't feel like it, but there have been other times where I love doing it I can't stop!

Anyhow, I'm hoping to focus on my work, and balance between shows, uni and teaching. I was looking at my WAM not long ago, and it doesn't look too great. Not that I really need my degree for anything, but for someone who used to work hard, I feel as though not only did I let my parents down, I think I let myself down. But having Mark as a hardworking, intelligent boyfriend, I'm hoping I can do better this year, so that I graduate with something, or even get into Honours for next year (need a credit average for it). I dunno what I really wanna do, I kinda want to do well, but I kinda wanna just graduate and move on.

So, I should make my way to the show now... Have been bludging all day, but hopefully tomorrow I will pick up the pace and do all the work I need to do. :D