My family can be warped sometimes...

Yeap - I have another 3000 word assignment that's due tomorrow that I'm happy not to do. I bought myself some dark chocolate, and man does it smell nice... That was such a huge anecdote.

Anyhow, Mark's been away so I've been doing quite a few things on my own, which has been nice but I'm missing Mark a lot. So in one of my ventures I went to Bankstown to visit the folks, as they like to see me at least once a week, which, I agree, is a nice thing.

So everytime I visit my mother, not only does she nag about how much weight I've put on (and I haven't really put on any more weight, but I have since last year), she gossips to me about stuff and stuff. This time, she's gossiping to me about family matters from Vietnam.

I don't think I can go into extreme detail, but there was one thing that irked me. Basically, let's just say there are two people involved in this story. I'll call one Cousin A and the other one Cousin B. Both are female, and both from Vietnam and related to our family some way or another. They are not close cousins, they're pretty distant.

Now Cousin A is fortunate enough to have an older brother here in Sydney, and has another brother coming from Vietnam. She's here to study commerce at UTS, but has to do learn English to a certain level before she's allowed entry. This has been the same for her brother. Anyways, Cousin A is quite fobbish. She had no dress sense (my mum showed her), and I don't recall talking to her in English that often (usually the ones who are keen to develop their English speak to me in English and I happily speak back in English to them), and in fact I don't recall talking to her much at all. Anyhow, my dad gave her the opportunity to work for him seeing as she's studying Commerce, and dad said she ain't the brightest one he's encountered. She apparently doesn't learn quickly and she doesn't have the greatest initiative. She only worked for a while, and then stopped.

Then Cousin B came along. She, in fact, is the immediate cousin to Cousin A, and Cousin A's family is quite rich, so Cousin A's family is helping out Cousin B, and got Cousin B in touch with my dad. Cousin B is also learning commerce at uni, and so dad took her under his wing, and apparently she is a lot brighter and hard working, and her english was a lot better. She seemed to grasp things pretty quickly and dad was impressed, and was thinking of sponsoring her as an employer to speed up her visa status. Then, due to conflicts back in Vietnam, Cousin B was forced to stop working for my dad, and she was made to go work in a pharmacy of a family friend (a field in which she's definitely not studying for) and to top it off, the pharmacy didn't offer her enough hours for her to work and earn enough money.

Cousin A and her brother were living with Cousin B in a sharehouse that is owned by my mother's friend. Apparently the share was around $160 a week or something, and Cousins A and B had to share one room. Because of the whole "our family is supporting yours" kinda thing, Cousin B was forced to pay $100 a week for her share, which was totally unfair and uneven. And apparently that included food, but for times when both Cousin A and her brother were out, she has to fork out money on top of that. Because of conflicts back in Vietnam (the same that I referred to earlier) Cousin A and her brother decided to move out of Bankstown and to Cabramatta, and asked Cousin B to come along, but she refused. She said she found it difficult to study with another person in her room, and seeing as Cousin A doesn't study at all (apparently she watches films on her laptop) Cousin B found her distracting. Cousin B then stayed back in Bankstown on her own, in her own room, for $60 a week including food. She found the pharmacy job a bit tiring and out of her way, and kept telling my mother's friend that she wanted to work at my dad's place. My mum's friend then told my mother, and mum said that she has to call herself and then mum will let her come back.

So Cousin B called last Sunday, and basically arranged to quit the pharmacy job and come back and work for my dad. Mum's happy with that because Dad needs all the help he can get because business is busy without anyone to assist him, and also mum wants to nurture those who work hard (as opposed to me... hehehee).

So, what did I realise out of this story? There are two kinds of international students: ones who buy their way through the system because they have the money and they can, and the ones who work really hard because they don't have the same opportunity back at home.

Cousin A comes from quite an affluent Vietnamese family. The fact that they can support 3 children in Australia means that they're earning a surplus of $30 000 for sure. Apparently Cousin A's grades aren't that great, and she spends most of her time at home just watching movies on her laptop. My mother seems to help her heaps, but she lacks initiative.

Cousin B however comes from a well off family, but not enough to support her 100%. They can pay for her education, but her living expenses are not as generous as Cousin A's. Hence the reason why Cousin B wanted to work for my dad - he was able to offer her more than 1 day a week, and it was closer to home and close to what she is studying, so therefore for her it is beneficial on more than one level. She is very career focused, and she has a strong work ethic, something that dad picked up on whilst she was working. The fact that she actually studies in her spare time instead of just watching movies and stuff is commendable. But the reason why she is told not to work for my dad was due to family politics back in Vietnam, and due to my grandmother being narrow minded and my dad's cousin being easily offended, Cousin B had to suffer.

So I don't mind if Cousin A doesn't get what she wants, she basically doesn't really work for it. But for Cousin B to suffer due to people being ignorant or sensitive, I think is unfair as she seems hard working and shows to be a promising individual.

It angers me how some people back in Vietnam have no idea how it is like in Australia. Yes, we probably do have it a lot better than most in Vietnam, but to say that we don't need to work to get to where we are and that everything is given to us on a silver platter, I think that's just plain naivety. My aunts from my mother's side had that problem, thinking that no one had to work hard for themselves. They did not realise that my dad went through a lot to get where he is. And what my grandma thinks is unfair is just due to the fact that she is ignorant of the laws and regulations that obviously don't exist in Vietnam.

Anyhow, it's late and I'm going around in circles, or my argument is convoluted. But yah, I am to curious to meet Cousin B, apparently she wanted to go see Annie Get Your Gun with my family, but because of feuding and disputes back in Vietnam, she was not allowed to have contact with our family. Now that she's working for dad again, hopefully I'll get to meet her. I have a feeling that she is the daughter that they wanted me to be - hardworking and following in the footsteps of my dad... I'm glad they have another outlet to fulfill their dreams, I'm sorry mummy and daddy that I can't do that for you. Unfortunately I was born here and I was given access to so much information that I was able to teach myself what I wanted and find out a lot of things for myself. Hurrah for independence (to some degree... :D).

I'm a Catholic, a sister, a girlfriend, and above all other things, terrible.

*****Warning: It's a long entry, so if you don't read it now, I'll rant it to you in person.*****

So the Easter break comes by, and what decides to come to greet me? A dose of the cold and gastro. It was fun*.

I didn't go to Good Friday mass, and, I must admit, I had the Catholic guilt tugging behind me like a puppy with three legs and one eye. I have been raised by a very Catholic family, whom are funnily enough not always the most Christian people I know. When I say Christian, I mean forgiving, sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, loving, generous - the virtues that the religion tends to try and educate en masse. My dad, ironically, I think is more Christian than my mother, even though Dad converted into Catholicism to marry my mother because my mother demanded it**. My mother, however, even though I do love her, forgives but never forgets (which in my mind, I don't think is real forgiveness), is hardly sympathetic because she thinks I'm the drama queen and even though I know she loves me, sometimes I find it hard to accept it when all she does is criticise my every move and my physical being. Dad does more volunteer work in the church than mum does, so when my mother tells me off for not going to church I don't feel that guilty, because even though mum has been going to church without fail for the past few years, I haven't seen her become more generous in her time, or more sympathetic towards others (especially when it's all about gossip), or more understanding. I claim I'm a non-ritualistic Catholic - that I do appreciate going to mass, but just not on a weekly basis, and I still believe most of the teachings the church provides (I just don't agree with some of the doctrines, like sex before marriage, and contraception, and abortion... but let's talk about that another time).

I know it's easy to criticise and be hypocritical, and I must admit I am hypocritical at the best of times, but for my mother to tell me off because I haven't been to church even though my mother going to church without fail for the past few years hasn't really stopped her from being as "sinful" as me, then I think I'm entitled to my break from religion. It's been the first time in (probably) my whole entire life that I've missed a Good Friday mass, and one out of 23 ain't that bad.

Due to my sickness, I was a bit low energy for Med Revue, and following that I was totally focusing on recovering on Tuesday for one of my bosses. Being aloof and always double booking myself, over the weekend I also agreed to picking up Tony after school on Tuesday... but forgot. So when I got a missed phone call from home at the end of teaching my last class on Tuesday afternoon, the first reaction was "SHIT! I FORGOT TONY!" and called him straight away. Thankfully he took the bus to my place and was waiting outside, and whilst waiting he was doing his homework, but for a good 2.5 hours he was left wondering where I was and why I haven't picked him up. I got there, and he was all forgiving and said "That's ok..." but I knew deep down inside he was hurt because someone close to him had the ability to forget about him. I remember when I was younger my dad always took his sweet time picking me up, and one stage I thought he forgot me when I was left at school for a good hour or so. There was also once on a Parent/Teacher interview night where he was a good hour and a half late, and I hated to keep the teachers waiting, and for someone who declared that my education was very important and that I had to be top of the class, he seemed a bit careless when it actually came to showing that to others besides myself. So when Tony told me that he wasn't angry at me, just slightly upset, I truly felt what he was feeling and I became that horrible monster that dad was when I was crying to myself anxiously waiting near the gates of the school, wondering why I was so forgettable. I also now know how life and work can get the better of you, that you tend to forget that there are those who still depend on you and they're around you hanging on for your next word, but you're too self-absorbed to even notice. I'm so sorry Tony, and I swear I'll make it up to you***.

And whenever I talk to people about religion, and I tell them that I'm Catholic (and don't worry, I'm not that devout), I say that the one thing that I'm totally grateful for is the fact that I've learnt to be generous through being Catholic. So generous that when I got the cold and gastro, I gave it to the one I love most - my boyfriend, Mark. So over the weekend he was driving me everywhere (to rehearsal, back home from Bankstown, yadda yadda yadda) and trying to take care of me that he eventually got sick himself - but, like, times ten. He got gastro big time. To the extent that this morning, he woke up at 3 and didn't stop vomiting until around about 9 or 10. He was on the drip from about 6.30 til midday, and after that he still felt a bit ill, but was able to get home and kinda relax. I felt kinda bad because I gave it to him, but also it was a chance to test my girlfriend capabilities - how much do I love this boy that I'm willing to clean out a bucket of his bile and watch him throw up every half an hour? I must admit, I think I love him quite a bit to endure it all... I felt sorry for him, because when he's sick, he gets quite sensitive, and I believe when someone's sick you can see the little kid in them, being vulnerable and helpless and in need of some tender loving care. Thankfully Mark is steadily recovering, and it makes me realise that when you live with someone as a couple, you share more than just a bed - woot! You share saliva and therefore sicknesses.

So in summary, in the past few days, I've done nothing terribly productive in terms of the many uni assignments I have, and I've been a horrible Christian, sister and girlfriend. But I've been able to finish more knitting (thanks to the few hours of waiting time in the emergency ward of Balmain Hospital and RPA), have more of an excuse to feed my brother liquid sugar, and have been able to take care of my boy to show him how much I love him dearly. I'll deal with uni work later.

But for now, I should resume my domestic duties. *Sigh* Laundry, cleaning, bah!



* Notice the hint of sarcasm there.
** She is now telling me to get Mark to convert to Catholicism too.
*** With TWO slurpees at the Easter Show! :D

so this is christmas...

it's the last week of teaching, and i've been getting a few cool presents from my students... today has been an exciting day for me!

got heaps of chocolate of course, and got my first bottle of wine the other day. also got some cupcake candles, and a music mug, and these awesome sterling silver music earrings. the best one which seems to capture me quite well is this cupcake cushion (see pic below) - it's a strawberry cupcake with little strawberries on top, and it's random and cute and just really cool. and the two best presents i got are from really good students, so maybe i should get students to be more awesome, and they will in return give me more awesome stuff. :D



and on monday mark asked me to come to queensland with him to visit his mum's side of the family, and spend time with his grandma in brisbane and noosa. i'm kinda looking forward to it, and kinda nervous about meeting and spending time with mark's family, but hopefully it'll all go well. the drive up to brisbane would be interesting - a good 10-12 hours with his parents in the same car, i'm sure there'll be a story out of that one somehow! :D

it'll be the first christmas that i've spent without my family, which is kinda interesting. it'll be with mark's family, so at least it's not on my own, but i hope my parents don't think i'm distancing myself too much away from them. but i'm totally in love with mark, and mark doesn't seem to not like time apart from me, and vice versa, so i hope my parents will understand.

it's been pretty awesome so far, and it's not even christmas yet. i have a new found appreciation for teaching (and no, it's not all about the presents, it's the fact that i've bonded with some of my students quite well, and it's gonna be disappointing if i don't teach some of them next year), and i'm excited about finishing my degree next year, and just hanging around with mark heaps. :D

a few more sleeps, and christmas will be here! and just to add, this is a photo that one of my closest friends hein took, and it sums up basically how much mark and i are in love with eachother... :D

Rainy Days and Disappointment....

I really have nothing to complain about. I do have it pretty good - an awesome boyfriend, an awesome household, a loving family (that's not part of household), a car and always some financial stability, whether it's from my well-paying part-time job or assistance from my family.

But for some reason, for the past few days, it's been kinda off.

Firstly, I was disappointed that I couldn't do that film course I wanted to do as a gen ed over summer because it had a prerequisite. That kinda burst my bubble in the hopes of making a short film.

Then came the gig that I was involved in recently at Bar Me, and the end payment was quite dismal. I was disappointed because I had to attend quite a few rehearsals between July and November (that was at least 4 months of weekly rehearsals) and to only come up with a small amount of money really disappointed me... And it wasn't as though the gig actually led me anywhere (except to Bar Me Open Mics, which are awesome).

Yesterday, I met up with Alex to discuss doing a short film together, and asked me to do the sound design, and for some reason I didn't seem excited about it. He noted that I seemed not my bubbly self, and I didn't know why I was just not into it, but I felt distanced and just not with it then.

Then I had to deal with a difficult class yesterday, and usually they're not that bad, but for some reason they were worse. The threats did not seem to have an effect, and so a stern "I'm disappointed in all the boys in the class" (there's only one girl, and she's pretty much well behaved, and was the only one to receive a sticker at the end of the class) in front of their parents made them realise that I was not happy with them.

But what kinda upset me was something someone said to me last night over the internet. Granted it was the internet and interpretation can be skewed, but it really affected me and I was upset. Which made me wake up dreary and upset this morning, and waking up to the rain even added to the slight depression. This made me not be in the mood for work experience, which has been awesome in the past week, but I just wanted time to myself today and therefore chucked a sickie.

I'm trying relatively hard at the moment to appreciate all the great things I have, including wonderful Mark and the work experience opportunity, and having a great support network around with friends and family, all the small shitty things that get in the way just makes me feel a bit worn down. I should possibly go off the pill maybe, and hopefully then this small bout of depression will disappear.

I do, however, appreciate the rain, and waking up to it in the morning makes me wanna stay in bed all day.

The truth about wine...

I love wine. Red wine especially. But I try to be a good girl and not drink and drive, and only have it when I'm sure someone else (namely Mark) will drive me around.

One thing I've noticed is that wine (or any type of alcohol, really) makes you honest. Inhibitions are gone, filters are barely there, and whatever you think, it's instantly verbalised.

Dan's family invited me to celebrate Flossiy's 21st, which I thought was very sweet of them to invite me, even though they only met me once or twice before. At the dinner, Dan had just a bit to drink, and on the way back decided to tell the truth... And truth be told, I was quite touched by what he had to say, and I may have had a tear or two in my eye. Anyhow, it was comforting to know that Dan still cares and loves me, and I still care and love him. And it's also nice that Mark trusts me, and doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that I still hang out with an ex.

Anyway, another encounter involving wine and "the truth" was tonight. I was at an open mic gig over at Bar Me in Kings Cross, and I accompanied a friend of mine who wants to keep on singing, and I also randomly accompanied this other guy with sheet music that I had to sight read. I also sang (not that fantastically, but I think I kept in tune), and I just had a lot of fun. And it was great listening to blues and bossa nova and jazz and rock and just impro stuff. There was a woman there named Jo who had an awesome voice, and in the break I went up to her to tell her how awesome she is, and then right back at me she goes "You're fantastic!" and told me how I should keep up with my playing and what not. I also discussed how I wanted to venture into jazz, and I needed to get a jazz teacher - she introduced me to another Daniel and said "If you were crap, I wouldn't even bother letting you know about Daniel and even talk to you..." Jo wasn't a huge fan of my friend's singing, and she was quite blunt about it as well, and she goes "I'm in honest mode here, with the help of wine and all, and I think you're fantastic, and your friend? I'm sorry..." I kinda felt bad because I had to hear about what Jo thought of my friend, and being a friend I should stick up for her, but at the same time, I kinda agreed with some of the things Jo had to say. I'm still giving my friend singing lessons, so hopefully I can steer her towards the right direction.

But the whole point of that story was that it was the wine that made Jo very blunt (or probably more blunt than usual), and made her babble on about how she thought I was really good and kept on encouraging me to keep practising and further my jazz abilities (of little I have).

On another note, Mark finally met my parents last Saturday. It was my mum's birthday dinner, so I told Mark to kinda make an impression and get her flowers and stuff - so not only did he get her a bunch of gorgeous flowers, he bought me 2 pink roses! They're currently on my bedside table and they smell absolutely lovely...

Dad seemed to like him, and Dad was surprisingly laidback and relaxed and encouraged Mark to drink more beer with him and what not. Mum was yadda yadda yadda as per usual, and judging him before even knowing him in a more relaxed environment. I told mum to give him a break, seeing as he's in a situation where he feels out of place and quite unfamiliar, and that despite what it seemed like at the dinner table, he's quite attentive and considerate towards my needs and wants... Oh well, despite my mum saying "You're the one going out with him, not me, so as long as you're happy", she can easily turn around and quickly judge without really knowing the guy. I must say, half the time she's pretty spot on, but I'm going to make sure she gives Mark a fair go, because my dad seems to say he's cool and that he says he wants to get to know Mark a bit better before he says anything, which is what mum should do, but won't do.

Okay... I'm kinda spinning out, so I think I should go to bed... Damn bed bugs - I've had an infestation lately, and it's making my life hell because I had quite an allergic reaction to the bites... Hopefully after all the washing of bed sheets and spraying of mattress and bed box, all will be fine and dandy and I won't get bitten anymore...

Despite bed bugs, I'm in such a happy place... :D

I kinda missed blogging...

There's something about typing about one's self that makes a great pass time... And yay, first sentence in and you already know that I'm lazy and a huge procrastinator!

I deleted my multiply account because I felt obliged to write an entry every so often, and when I did, it would be quite boring or just a whole heap of whinging. Don't get me wrong, I'll still whinge on this blog, but I have happier things to talk about now!

Anyhow, sometimes blogging has its advantages: friends who haven't seen you in a while can still update themselves with what's going on in your life, although the downside of that is sometimes there's not much left to say when you actually see them up front. But we all live busy lives (or at least I do for some periods of the year) and I just don't get to see so-and-so and so-and-so... Hopefully those so-and-sos will come across my blog and they'll be updated in the life of Ness!

Quick update:

1) I'm no longer single... Or officially single anyhow (those who know me well would have heard about the quasi relationship I had beforehand). His name is Mark and he's my favourite person in the world at the moment! I absolutely adore him, and he's just so cute and lovely and smart and considerate... I haven't felt strongly for a boy in a while - or maybe even ever! I sometimes think no, I shouldn't compare, but when I do, so far I don't remember being this happy in the beginning of a relationship compared to all the other relationships I've had previously. For once I told my parents about him and it wasn't a problem, and they seemed as though they genuinely want to meet him and see why I'm happy.

So relationship wise, it's been great. I can't help but smile heaps whenever I think of him, and how lucky I am to have found such a great guy to be with... *smitten*

2) Still studying after all these years... I should have graduated by now with a double degree if I were a diligent student. But I'm not. Also, it doesn't really help when you're not entirely clear of what you wanna do. Currently deferring UNSW and am at JMC doing Music Business Management... And to be honest, I miss UNSW. When I was at UNSW I was whinging and complaining (what's new?) about how it's very wanky and I'm studying subjects that I know I don't need in the next 5 years or so. Then transferring to JMC Academy, it made me appreciate academia. Standards at JMC aren't too high, and most of the things they teach are quite straight forward. So I'm thinking, leave this year with a Diploma instead of staying for the full 3 years for the degree, and go back to UNSW to finish my BMus and graduate. Hopefully then, I could possibly try and do Masters in Arts management over at UTS, or just go to work. Who knows what's going to happen in the next 2 years or so.

3) My family are cool... My parents still nag that I should do this and do that and that they're slightly disappointed with me, you know, the whole Asian shpeil. But they still love me - they still take care of me, they still take me out for dinners and let me join in on family holidays, and if I need their help they still give it to me. And from time they even ask for my help, and if I can I'm always willing to, because I appreciate them despite some of the things they say and do. They're family, and going against your own family says something about yourself.

My little brother is growing up! Well, I guess that's inevitable, but it was only yesterday when he was a cute, chubby toddler running around with curly hair and just being adorable. Now he's my height and talking about computer games and how girls should chase him, not the other way around... Tony is still adorable, and I do hope he grows up to be a great person. He can be considerate and kind, and I hope that part of his personality will stay as he goes through puberty and what not. Although my mother said something really disturbing last night - she wanted my little brother to stay at home when he gets married, and Dad and I automatically went "No!". That was a bit awkward - I mean, I thought marriage meant you live with your partner and create your own household. I would be disturbed if my mother was hanging around... Mum's rationale was so that Tony can save up money for a house if he wanted to. I'm like - at that stage, if he's married he'd probably have some sort of financial security and therefore would be able to afford a mortgage. I think my mum is afraid of being alone... but at least Dad and I were at the same wavelength - when Tony gets married, he can do whatever he wants. Although I'd be terribly shocked if Tony does decide to stay at home when he gets married....

4) Shows do take over your life sometimes. I'm currently doing CSE Revue, and they're such a lovely bunch of people... Well, that's where I met Mark - through band for the revue (which makes Mark even sexier because he plays a musical instrument - guitar, in fact). I have been having fun vocal directing, taking photos and playing keys again, and meeting a whole heap of new people as well as hanging out with a few familiars... My social circle has just increased twofold, and it's just a whole heap of fun. I still love my NUTS friends, and the Studio Four peeps, but I get restless, and I sometimes like meeting new people for the sake of meeting new people, and CSE Revue has given me that opportunity. Great friendships are going to blossom from this experience, and for that I'm glad. I'm also glad that I was able to get a romantic (and musical) hook up out of it as well!

5) Teaching little kiddies can be fun, but I know I won't be doing it forever. Although yesterday when I was teaching one of my students were sneezing and he was so adorable! Teaching sometimes makes me clucky, and want kids, but I know I don't want any anytime soon. I like this job because it pays relatively well, and is good for part-time work whilst stuyding, so I'm not fussed...

I think that's all for now, it's a relatively long entry about blah, but hopefully soon I'll write something profound.