Reassessment

Been wondering about lots of things surrounding me at the moment:

Family: I thought that this year would be the year to spend more time with family. However, it's also potentially more time for me to screw things up around them. I noticed how last year, when I didn't hang out with family too much, I was less likely to screw up around them and get them angry at me. So this year, I've started working for Dad a little, and visiting them more often and just doing more things for them and with them, that when I stuff up it's just like old times when I was living at home, and I was just never good enough. That said, I really enjoy seeing my family from time to time, but I guess I should start looking at what I'm doing and seeing why my parents react the way they do. I must admit, as much as I hate to, parents are right sometimes.

Knitting: I'm knitting less. I'm blaming it on the weather at the moment, but I have so much yarn and so many projects that I still haven't finished 6 months after I've started. Am I starting to get over knitting? If so, that really makes me sad, because knitting for quite some time have provided me awesome friends and awesome creativity. I've learnt so much in the past 2 years through knitting, and I don't want it to necessarily end.

The Internet: I think I'm obsessed with it. I'm always on it. Facebook, Gchat, Gmail, MSN, Ravelry. And even when I'm done, I'm still on it looking at things unnecessarily. And I feel it's stopping me from doing anything productive, like going through my wardrobe to get rid of clothes and reorganising the way I hang everything and such.

My career: This is what I'm most upset about. I'm confused with what I truly want to do. I'm lacking direction. Do I open a music school? Do I keep teaching, then travel heaps and then come back and settle down? Do I pursue directing and continue to not earn much money because to be in theatre you have to make sacrifices? I don't want to spend another year to "figure things out", but it feels that way.

Myself: Need to be comfortable with myself, and also just accept that things will not always go my way or that I can't get what I want all the time. I need to respect myself and also take responsibility and respect others. I need to actually motivate myself to do things and take action, as opposed to just talking about things. Like I am now. In a sense I'm happy with where I'm at and what I've been through, but there are aspects about me that I'm not truly happy with. I guess it's just time to do it now, now that I no longer have to study and such.

So let's see what my 26th year on earth has in store for me.