WWKIP Day video - finally up!

So yah, have been totally slack, and after all these distractions of life, uni, theatre and what not, I have finally edited and uploaded the video. :D

Check it out on youtube!

I may try and start my videoblog again, seeing as I kinda enjoyed the first one. However I don't think I finished any of my knitting projects since the video... Oh wait, I lie, just one (Daddy's vest). But yah - maybe within the next month or so? Maybe I should stick to keeping it a yearly thing. :P

What have I been up to recently? Oh, nothing much really...

So my last post dated back to the beginning of July - 3/4 months ago. It's amazing how time flies when you have so much going on (yes, I lied in the blog title).

In the space of 3 months I did 5 shows: Little Shop of Horrors (Musical), 40 in Song (A Cabaret Showcase), Omon Ra (Play), February (Play) and Reefer Madness (Musical). All volunteer (except for 40 in Song), all in the name of fun, practice and experience. I have a couple of loose ends to tie here and there, but in essence, my show run is now OVER! I can recover for the next couple of weeks until I start getting restless again.

Cast and Crew of Little Shop of Horrors, performed in Fig Tree Theatre

Little Shop of Horrors was a NUTS production (the major for 2010), which involved a lot of rehearsal time and patience, yet it was extremely polished by the end of it and definitely well received. Everyone who went to see it was impressed with the talent and the production value. The main reason (and it was kinda a lame reason, but most of you would understand) for me wanting to be involved was mainly because George (my boyfriend) was involved. I knew that if he was going to be playing piano at rehearsals then I won't get to see him much, so the next best thing was to be in rehearsals with him, so I played synth in the band. :D It also happened that he had to go away for three weeks anyhow to help out his mum in Sri Lanka for an art exhibition and visit his brother in the Maldives, so I covered for him for those three weeks when he was away. All in all, lots of fun and lollies in the confined space called "the orchestra pit", and it was great to be performing in the Fig Tree again. :D

A showcase of songs composed by Heinz Schweers,
performed in Downstairs Theatre, Seymour Centre

Before I signed onto Little Shop of Horrors, I signed onto playing the synth in Heinz Schweers' band for his showcase 40 in Song, celebrating his 40th birthday with his musical theatre compositions. Heinz has written music for a couple of musicals (one being A Nasty Piece of Work that I was also in the orchestra for back in 2008 at New Theatre), and is successful at writing sweeping love ballads and catchy tunes (admittedly by him a little Eurovision-y) and the singers and the band were all very talented and professional. We had very productive rehearsals, and after only a couple of runs got together we did a 3 night show run in the Downstairs Theatre of the Seymour Centre. The singers' abilities just blew me away, and I always looked forward to show because I knew I was amongst very talented, beautiful people. Unfortunately, 40 in Song was in the middle of Little Shop of Horrors show run, but fortunately only for 3 nights of the 2 week run, so I didn't miss out on too much.

Cast and Crew of Omon Ra, peformed in Studio One

Whilst rehearsing for Little Shop, Sean (who played Mr Mushnik in said production) approached me the night before proposals were due for NUTS' Week 8 and Week 10 slots to help him produce his show Omon Ra. Even though I was putting forward my own proposal, I ran the risk of not being approved, and said yes as a massive favour for him (sometimes people underestimate the amount of work that goes into producing). Sean's show got approved, but unfortunately (or fortunately?) mine wasn't, but it didn't really matter because I knew no matter the outcome I was going to be involved in yet another show. Omon Ra, I must admit, was not my kind of play, however I appreciated it for what it was. It was thought provoking, and the cast was, once again, very talented. The creatives (lighting designers Julia and Michael, set designer Bri, costumer Beth, and set constructor George) were also very very talented, and I was proud of putting that show together. Salima, the stage manager, was also quite on the ball with things and I appreciated her gutso effort in keeping the production together. The cast also consisted of men (Caz was the only exception, but she's not the most girly of girls I know), so it was quite interesting working with a group where the cast were mostly male, and the crew were mostly female...

Cast of February, part of Sydney Fringe Festival
performed at the New Theatre

What I forgot to consider when I said yes to Sean to produce Omon Ra was that I also said I'd help out Gee with February, which was selected as part of a triple bill of plays for the Inaugural Sydney Fringe Festival. This was happening at the same time as Omon Ra, so I had to utilise my time management skills and make sure I was able to attend to both of the show's needs. I initially said I was going to assist Gee in producing the show, however I also assisted Gee in the direction as well. February was a very well-written short piece (10 minutes, written by Gee herself), and despite its brevity managed to explore many themes including nostalgia, feminism and self-assurance. Bri also was involved in designing the costumes and set, and Bri, Gee and I were once again reunited in another show since our City of Angel days where we all first met. Being a small piece, it also had a small cast - Fliss and Maddi, both who were very talented and worked hard despite their busy time schedules. Because we were a triple bill, we also worked with cast and crew members of the other shows - Murder in the Dark and Time, both which were well performed and received.

Cast and Crew of Reefer Madness
Performed in Fig Tree Theatre

Whilst finishing off Little Shop of Horrors, and producing both Omon Ra and February, I was talking to Brent, who was directing Reefer Madness through Studio Four, about his musical directors, who seem to all bailed out on him. So I kept telling him that if he wasn't able to find any that I would be happy to, but obviously he didn't take the hint... Until I blatantly said "Look - I'll do it if you're happy to have me on board." I must admit, being in Little Shop it made me realise how much I missed musical directing, and so I really wanted to get behind that keyboard again and lead a band and cast through the type of theatre I love best - musical theatre! When I first saw Reefer Madness as a movie with Alan Cumming and Kristen Bell in it, I wasn't quite impressed by it. I actually didn't watch the whole movie - I left half way through. So I was slightly dubious about the show but thought I'd give it a chance anyway, mainly because I thought musical directing different shows will give me more experience and build my musical theatre repertoire. When I finally got to know the songs, I was proven wrong - they were ten catchies and lots of fun, and the musical was very funny and hilarious. A couple of one liners here and there amused me to no end. Topped with, once again, a very talented cast (some who were from Love.net earlier in the year), a wonderful crew who were so friendly and accomodating, and the choreography being totally awesome (thanks to Jorge), Brent chose a really entertaining musical not only to perform, but also for the audience. Despite the short rehearsal period and the unfortunate "bailings" of cast and crew members, it held together quite well in the end and everybody just had lots of fun, which I think is a very important aspect when one is involved with amateur/independent theatre.

So, in doing all these productions you could say I was just a tad busy. I'm a little worn out, but since it's also school holidays I also have one week of doing nothing (well, almost nothing, I do have a couple of teaching catch ups to do and accompany a saxophone exam) to recuperate and just relax.

One of the things that I've neglected a little has been my knitting. I made a resolution at the beginning of the year to sell my excess yarn (from when I did yarn stalls at the markets) and to reorganise my stash. I also resolved to finish all my projects before I start new ones... Now that winter is pretty much over, I'm scared that warm weather will once again deter me from knitting and I will lose my mojo! However, seeing as this long weekend has been pretty miserable and drab, I do hope that in the next 2 months or so it'll be okay knitting weather and I can finally finish those knitting projects, and also keep tabs on what I have in my stash and how I'm going to use it all up.

Life is pretty good at the moment, having successfully produced quite a number of shows, being surrounded by lots of talented and beautiful people, and directors who should be immensely proud of their work. I was also lucky to consistently have wonderful support from my loving George and my family and friends. To quote one of George's most frequent phrases, it's only "onwards and upwards" from here. :D

For curiosity's sake

The results for my survey. Unfortunately, "freeonlinesurveys" was not free, and I had to pay a monthly subscription of US$9.99 in order to upkeep it since it exceeded 50 responses, and I was not allowed to see my results until I paid. So I decided to finish the survey with 124 responses over 2 weeks, otherwise if I leave the survey up it'll keep on deducting $9.99 per month, which I do not want to happen.

So the charts show the amount of responses to each question, such as 35 people clicked on a) for Question 1. It's not the percentage, as for some questions I allowed it to be more than one available answer.

Stupidly, though, I suspended the paid account without copy and pasting the answers to the "others" for the questions I allowed "others" for... I remember some responses, but unfortunately I won't be able to access them unless I pay again. Although, I did print out the answers to me that were the most important, which were the answers to questions 15 and 16, so that's okay... :D

If you can't see the numbers properly, just click on the image, and the image should enlarge.

*Drumroll* And here are the responses!!!

Question 1: What size yarn do you mostly use?

a) Lace weight
b) Sock Yarn
c) 8/10 Ply
d) Bulky 12/14 ply

Question 2: What would you prefer to see more of?

a) Australian indie dyers and/or spinners' products
b) Organic products
c) Overseas products, such as Rowan, Cascade, Malabrigo, Habu, Jitterbug, etc
d) Australian products such as Cleckheaton, Patons
e) Other

Question 3: Would you also like to see the following fibre crafts available in store?

a) Felting
b) Spinning
c) Dyeing
d) Crochet
e) Other

Question 4: Would you or anyone you know of attend any of the following workshops if they were made available?

a) Spinning
b) Dyeing
c) Finishing techniques
d) Crochet
e) Sock knitting
f) Lace knitting
g) Kids school holiday workshops
h) Other

Question 5: What aspects of a knitting store would you consider very important?

a) Very friendly and informative service and assistance
b) A well-presented store, with bright lights and easy access
c) Affordable prices - if it's too expensive I may go elsewhere
d) A great range in both colours and products
e) Other

Question 6: If there is a courtyard at the back, would you utilise it?

a) Yes! Depending on weather, of course.
b) No not really, I like knitting in private at home.
c) Maybe, depends on who's there - do I have to buy something?

Question 7: If there is a courtyard, I shall make it available for functions if you would like to host a tea party or a knitting/fibre party. Would you consider it for your next birthday/event?

a) Totally!
b) Maybe... Depends on how much it will cost.
c)No, not really.

Question 8: I'm hoping to include a cafe. Are you mostly:

a) A coffee drinker
b) A tea drinker
c) An ice chocolate/milkshake drinker
d) A soft drinker
e) Water's fine for me, thanks.

Question 9: I'm also hoping to have a cafe for people who don't knit (but maybe have loved ones that do!). What type of cafe would you prefer?

a) All day breakfast and a lunch menu
b) Baked goods and sweets - cakes, cupcakes, cookies, chocolates, pastries
c) One that just does good coffee and other beverages, no need for food
d) A combination of all of the above, but a selection of each
e) Other

Question 10: What time would you most likely come and visit the store?

a) Late morning - 10am-Midday
b) Lunchtime/early afternoon
c) Late afternoon - after 3pm
d) Evening - 5-7pm
e) Mostly weekends

Question 11: I would like to provide internet access so that knitters and other fibre enthusiasts can do their research. Which medium would you like?

a) Free wireless internet - bring in your own laptop, phone or reader
b) A computer or two on the premises
c) Both!

Question 12: What would you prefer to do in terms of pattern books and instructionals?
a) Have a library - where you can borrow and return like a video/DVD store with a membership and a nominal fee
b) Just have a huge range to choose from, I like to have my own books
c) Have a service where you can order books in when requested to be purchased
d) Don't really need it - I buy heaps online which tends to be cheaper anyhow

Question 13: Of course, location is very important. What would make you think twice before coming to visit the store?

a) If it requires more than 10 minutes of walking from a bus stop/train station
b) Paid parking or difficulty in finding parking
c) No parking

Question 14: I envision this place to be not only somewhere you can buy knitting goods and other fibre goodies, but also a space to be creative. Would you come just to knit/spin/crochet/dye if I make facilities available? Of course, no pressure to purchase anything.

a) Yes of course!
b) Yes, if the furniture is very comfy.
c) Yes, I'll use it as a meeting place to meet up with friends.
d) Yes, if it is kid and pet friendly.
e) No, I don't want to impose or have that pressure to purchase anything.
f) No.
g) Other.

Question 15 was Do you think knitting is just a current fad, or do you think it'll stick around for at least 3-5 years? and pretty much all of you said "No, it's going to stick around for sure". Some of you made the point that it'll wax and wane in popularity, but it'll definitely be around.

Question 16 was Do you have any requests, suggestions or ideas to keep in mind if this grand plan of a knitting store combined with cafe happens?. I had a lot of well wishes and good lucks, and a couple of good suggestions such as a really good website for online purchasing (which I thought would be a given), disabled access (which sometimes businesses seem to forget) and stocking Madelinetosh! I had funny ones, such as "No feathers ;) We will all lose respect", and even though I've knitted feathers ONLY ONCE (and it was for my mum - she chose the yarn), rest assured that I will vow not to stock feathers in my knitting store. :D

So I got a bit of insight as to what people would like, and whether Sydney (or even Australian) knitters were on the same wavelength as me in terms of what is wanted in a yarn store. But please note, this is research for an idea... Can't promise anything, and if anything does happen, it probably won't happen as soon as I hope (which is at least 1.5-2 years)...

So... Opening up a yarn store...

As you may have seen in my previous post, I put up a survey about opening a yarn store.

I have been given lots of advice, lots that I appreciate very much so, and some that are pretty much a given, such as "Do you realise it's really difficult maintain a business?" Uhhh, yes, I do. :D

It's interesting seeing all the results from the survey... Such as a lot of the knitters (and some of my friends) are more Coffee drinkers than Tea drinkers, majority of people will by 8/10ply yarn and Sock yarn, and the majority of you would like to see more Indie Australian products, followed by international yarns that are not readily available here in Sydney (in person that is, online is very very easy to obtain).

So my next step is to look into how I'm going to get all the products, figure out my calculations as to how much I need to sell and how much rent I can afford. The places I look at are getting a little wee expensive, which then requires me to go further away from the city. However there are so many people wanting it here, there, and everywhere around Sydney suburbia that it will be difficult to please everyone!

A friend of mine lives next to My Little Cupcake, and he told me that first it started up as an internet business back in 2002. Only a couple of years ago did it have a shop front, and it's not really near anywhere, it's smack bang in the middle of the lower North Shore suburbia. But apparently due to word of mouth, awesome publicity with SMH (has had write ups in their food/home section) and internet exposure that they're getting lots of business from mothers driving their kids after school having a cupcake for afternoon tea, and the many wedding/baptism/birthday/other major life event orders that happens over weekends. No matter where you are, as long as you have a well presented, friendly shop front (every time I'm there I always look into their store at their pretty pretty tea cups and home decor) and just awesome products, people will travel. Or order online. :D

I also read in the comments section in my survey someone suggesting (I don't know who, because you don't really leave your details behind) that I should start online and see how that goes, and slowly work on getting a shop front. Seeing as it worked for My Little Cupcake, maybe I should do the same.

I've been trying to get a job with Morris and Sons so I could get first (or second) hand experience in ordering and what people like buying and just how a yarn store is run. However, due to conflicting timetabling with my current job teaching piano, I believe it seems to be hindering my process in getting a job there (I've been knocked back 3 times already)... I'm with my current teaching job until at least the end of the year, and I don't know whether to continue next year (as it pays fairly well for the amount of hours I have with them) or to try again with Morris and Sons saying I can work full time and commit for at least a year or two (as I need to save money in order to start a business).

So it seems to me, seeing as a) I don't have enough money saved to start a business, and b) it seems hard for me to get a job in the yarn retail industry, I might try my hand at doing it at home. Last year I tried with the markets, but I think this time around I need to save a bit more money and find a product that no other online store in Australia has, and maybe make a presence in some of the markets such as Glebe (again).

For now though, folks, I shall be holding off any grand plans of opening a cafe/yarn store anytime soon. Thanks heaps for your help/contribution with the survey, as it's given me a bit more insight as to what the demands are like at the moment. Who knows, maybe I might be able to find an investor who's willing to fund my quirky plan and hopefully I'll be able to set this thing up as soon as next year. But for now, it still remains as a business plan...

One can only dream, right?

A quick survey.

So call me crazy, but I'm seriously thinking about opening up a yarn store combined with a cafe. Kinda like the one in Newtown, but I have more ideas.

I would appreciate it greatly if you could take a couple of minutes of your time to fill out an online survey, (kinda like marketing research for me), so I can see whether my ideas would float one's boat. :D

Here's the survey!

Looking forward to see what you think! :D And thanks in advance if you do this survey... It's only up for 10 days, so the sooner the better!

Finally finished a knitting project!!!!

I still need to do the finishing touches, eg weaving in the ends and blocking them, but THEY'RE FINALLY DONE!!!!



And this is not for me!

This is for a swap project that ended almost a year ago. All my knitting friends who were part of this sock swap finished for their partners AGES ago. However, my poor unfortunate swap partner is having to wait UNTIL NOW (or at least another couple of days whilst I block the socks and send it to her in a package) to get these socks...

Just to prove that I did TWO socks, not one. :D

Life got in the way, as per usual, and then I lost my knitting mojo. So for months it has been sitting in the pile of WIPs where I only did a row or two every couple of weeks.

Fortunately enough, for the past couple of weeks my knitting mojo came back. I think it's due to a) the amount of spare time I have now that I'm not doing any shows or doing any study whatsoever, and b) the weather.

And now that I've successfully finished one project for the first time this year, I'm going to try and finish all the projects in my WIP pile before I cast on another one. I'm giving myself a "cast-on ban", and even though I'm itching to start brand new projects, I still have projects such as a vest for my dad that was due last year in February, a beret for my friend's 21st that was last September and a lace project with the rainbow Kauni yarn that is especially for me.

But for now, I'm going to be incredibly happy that I've cast off the first project in AGES since losing and then regaining my knitting mojo. :D

Sock smiley :)

SOCK MONSTER ATTAAAAACK!!!!!!!!

PS: The photos were taken on my iPhone because I was too lazy to get out my digital SLR, and it was dark so it was blurry. Oh wells, next time maybe.

love.net

This was the reason why I was off the radar and busy as for the past couple of weeks.


It was a great show. I had heaps of fun writing it, directing it, watching it.

I guess I was just as surprised as everyone as to how funny I actually am. This sounds a little egotistical, but the show I just put on stage was quite amusing and fairly fun, and I'm still gobsmacked as to how well it went.

I was also blessed with a talented cast, crew and band.


I really loved working with Bri, one of my close friends, who seems to know how my brain works and knows how to put her opinions across so that her ideas mesh with mine. I trust her visions, and I like her aesthetics, and therefore I really enjoy collaborating with her as director and she as production designer.


Also Simon, who did the graphic design (see poster above) is one talented cookie. And Liz, the vocal director, came in and just gave the extra oopmh the cast needed. Another example of reliable and talented, and just people I love working with.

Nic (on lights) and Salima (stage managing) were fairly new to NUTS, however they were both competent and organised. They weren't afraid to ask if they were stuck with something, and were prompt and reliable. I really enjoyed working with them, and wouldn't hesitate to work with them again. :D



The band were awesome, and they somehow just meshed very well together, even though they all didn't quite know eachother. They were just as much fun as the cast, and because they were being seen on stage, they were also performers in their own right. It's wonderful to see the musicians also being performers instead of just mere backing tracks in a musical.



George was a total saviour. Not only was he willing to participate and get the band together, he also helped a lot on constructing the set and just being the handyman of the theatre. Being an engineer, he loves fixing things and making things, and therefore he had lots of fun being all Bob the Buildery and such. It was also a great excuse to see him pretty much every single day. :D



My cast - woah, my cast. All of them were great singers and performers. At first I thought that quite possibly I may have miscast it a bit, mainly because at callbacks all the people there were very talented. But I trusted my gut instinct and went with it, and by the end of show, I didn't regret casting any of them because they were all very beautiful and talented in one way or another. I also enjoyed how they took my ideas and ran with it, and had lots of fun with it too. I told them from the very beginning that all I wanted them to do was to have fun, and I think that was achieved...



But the most amazing experience I had out of all that was the amount of people who approached me after show to personally congratulate me and to tell me how impressed they were. I must admit, student theatre does have its own stigma of not being terribly good, and on occassions there have been productions where you wish you didn't go see. Most student productions, however, can be good and generally hold a lot of potential, but you can see there were setbacks and therefore are more forgiving if one aspect of the show is not as good as the other.

So for people to tell me that I should enter short play competitions, or that I should continue on with writing such plays/musicals, and that they had lots and lots of fun watching the show, and having some people even coming TWICE to see the show, I felt that directing is where I wanna be. I felt at home, being in the theatre and being creative... And seeing all the different audience reactions to my stories is quite priceless.

For those who were involved, I miss you already! For those who supported this production, thanks so very much. For those who saw the show, I really hope you enjoyed yourself.

And for those who have been part of my life for the past 25 years, thanks for being my inspiration. :D

Awesome? Yes, awesome. :D

Things that were awesome this weekend:

1. Waking up to my boy 3 mornings in a row. :)

2. Seeing Amanda Palmer behind the piano. She's an awesome performer, very heartfelt.

3. Wine. And lots of it.

4. Rehearsing for my show. Things are coming together, it's only a 3rd of the way in but it looks very promising.

5. Working with a bunch of talented individuals.

6. Ukulele.

7. Brownies!

8. Hugs and kisses.

9. Festival 21!!!! :D

10. Awesome friends.


The only sad thing is that I didn't visit family. I will soon, I swear!!!

Reassessment

Been wondering about lots of things surrounding me at the moment:

Family: I thought that this year would be the year to spend more time with family. However, it's also potentially more time for me to screw things up around them. I noticed how last year, when I didn't hang out with family too much, I was less likely to screw up around them and get them angry at me. So this year, I've started working for Dad a little, and visiting them more often and just doing more things for them and with them, that when I stuff up it's just like old times when I was living at home, and I was just never good enough. That said, I really enjoy seeing my family from time to time, but I guess I should start looking at what I'm doing and seeing why my parents react the way they do. I must admit, as much as I hate to, parents are right sometimes.

Knitting: I'm knitting less. I'm blaming it on the weather at the moment, but I have so much yarn and so many projects that I still haven't finished 6 months after I've started. Am I starting to get over knitting? If so, that really makes me sad, because knitting for quite some time have provided me awesome friends and awesome creativity. I've learnt so much in the past 2 years through knitting, and I don't want it to necessarily end.

The Internet: I think I'm obsessed with it. I'm always on it. Facebook, Gchat, Gmail, MSN, Ravelry. And even when I'm done, I'm still on it looking at things unnecessarily. And I feel it's stopping me from doing anything productive, like going through my wardrobe to get rid of clothes and reorganising the way I hang everything and such.

My career: This is what I'm most upset about. I'm confused with what I truly want to do. I'm lacking direction. Do I open a music school? Do I keep teaching, then travel heaps and then come back and settle down? Do I pursue directing and continue to not earn much money because to be in theatre you have to make sacrifices? I don't want to spend another year to "figure things out", but it feels that way.

Myself: Need to be comfortable with myself, and also just accept that things will not always go my way or that I can't get what I want all the time. I need to respect myself and also take responsibility and respect others. I need to actually motivate myself to do things and take action, as opposed to just talking about things. Like I am now. In a sense I'm happy with where I'm at and what I've been through, but there are aspects about me that I'm not truly happy with. I guess it's just time to do it now, now that I no longer have to study and such.

So let's see what my 26th year on earth has in store for me.

Girl Crushes

So I've noticed that if I were ever to be a man or a lesbian, I kinda have a type in which I go for in terms of looks for girls.

Zooey Deschanel


First saw her in the movie with Jim Carey in Yes Man, and then fell in love with her in 500 Days of Summer (as well as crushing on Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Last night I saw her her in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and yes, she's so cute. Her husky voice and her blue eyes...

Katy Perry


She writes most of her own music, and she also has a sort of husky quality to her voice. Katy also looks a bit like Zooey too, with the dark hair and blue eyes. I also like Katy's sense of style - a mix match of vintage and quirky, and basically fairly out there (but not as out there as Lady Gaga...). Katy also has curves.

Maggie Gyllenhaal




Loved her in Secretary with James Spader, which is where I first saw her. Her transformation in that movie was awesome, and as an actress I always thought she was cool. I also loved her in Stranger Than Fiction with Will Ferrell, and even though they look like an odd pairing, I so would go for a threesome with them! :P

Dianna Agron


Plays Quinn Fabray in Glee, and she's basically the first blonde I really like. Her facial features just seem in such even proportion, and in the series when she starts wearing normal clothes and not wear her cheerleader outfit, she's quite feminine and pretty.

Marion Cotillard


She was quirky and cute in Love Me If You Dare, one of my favourite movies of all time. She was brilliant depicting Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose, and I'm totally looking forward to seeing her in Nine. Marion also has something that seems a bit French about her, I don't know what, but I think it's mainly because I first saw her in a French film.

So out of this list, I think I've come to the conclusion that I mostly like brunettes who are fairly feminine and slightly quirky. The eyes, I think, do it for me, as they all seem to have this slight innocence yet seductiveness to their looks. It also helps that they are in movies, shows or make music that I like...

Just a random thought I thought I'd share. :P

There is a change happening

And I want it to happen to me soon. Apparently I have an element of psychic in me that I need to nurture and tap into more. This could also be utter bullshit, but I've been told by more than one person. And those people were fortune tellers, so still, can be bullshit.

But I feel a change coming on. Or rather I WANT a frigging change to happen. I know, I know, I have to do things to MAKE this happen, but there are some things beyond my control, and my heart and mind are willing it to happen.

We'll see, I think turning 25 next month will be a significant time for me, and being 25 will also be an interesting year for me.

Is it just a matter of wanting what I can't have? I'm scared that's all it is to it, and once I have it I'll probably don't want it anymore. But right now the want is so great, it's slightly frustrating.

I should also stop being vague. :D

In other news, here's a clip dedicated to the current weather and how awesome the 90s were.

Back to the Hood

This weekend I took the opportunity to catch up with friends from when I lived in Bankstown who I haven't seen in around two years or something crazy. It's amazing to see where my friends are up to at the moment - marriage, babies, mortgages, etc.

I went to church with my family for the first time in yonks, and saw how a couple of my friends are now married with kids. They're around my age or a year or two older, and I was like - wow. I'm now at an age where everyone is settling down and starting families. It's the age of "responsibility".

I have friends who have a son together, and their son is absolutely gorgeous. He's almost 2 (in a week), and he's very clever for his age - could recognise colours and is making an effort to identify objects. He warmed up to me straight away, and kept showing off his new toys and such, bringing me a different car of his and trying to play ball with me. He's half Polish, half Vietnamese, so you could imagine how absolutely adorable this boy is - I was totally in love. Made me hideously clucky, and when he was giving me hugs goodbye I just wanted to take him home. He was pretty sociable and I said to his parents that he would become a heart breaker one day, because he seems absolutely charming. He was a good kid, who kept amusing himself, and was very inquisitive about things and loved to share.

Then the dad of this kid brings up a newspaper article (which funnily enough my housemate brings up later that evening) about how Bankstown is one of the top 10 suburbs in Sydney to have had the most births in the past year. Blacktown is the highest one, with something like 550 births registered last year - crazy. I see lots of babies around Bankstown, and having at least 4-5 friends around my age having just had kids, I don't find it hard to believe at all.

I obviously am not in a position to have kids yet. Hell, don't have a partner to have one with! But I'm not afraid of kids, and in fact I would love some, just not now. Or I guess it'll just happen when I'm ready... Sometimes you can't really predict when you become a parent - it can come sooner than you think if one is not careful. And when you are ready, it may take some time before your wishes are fulfilled. But I see little kids, especially the toddler stage of around two or three, and my heart melts. Seeing as I don't see myself dating another Asian (no offense to the Asian guys I know), I imagine my son to look similar to my friends' son I met for the first time today, and I think that's probably why I was extremely clucky.

Here's to those who are getting married, buying their first property, and having kids. I shall one day catch up to you guys one day, but for the meantime I'm going to be single, partying and travelling whilst I'm not tied down with responsibility. I'm guessing it's just not my time yet.

The token New Year entry.

Am I the only one who's fairly apathetic about the New Year? I think I am. I guess people take this opportunity to start afresh, to forget all the crap that happened the year before, and move on with new (or not so new) resolutions.

Why am I apathetic? I believe that we don't need a date to dictate a new attitude and hope. Things should change no matter the date. We don't need a date to reflect on who we are and what we were and what has been done, as that can be done any old time in the year.

Fair enough use this time as an excuse to party and get drunk, but I've used every Saturday night as an excuse to party and get drunk. :D Fair enough use this time to lose the extra kilos, to read those books, to do more exercise, to eat more healthily, to save more money. And as per usual, try within the first month and by February you're back to your original habits. Cynical and sour? It's because I've been there, done that.

But if I were to reflect on 2009, I have been through a lot more than I expected. I made 4 wishes/goals that year, and fulfilled 3 of them. I only have one left, and I'm "carrying it over" to the new year, but to me it's just a constant goal no matter what time of the year it is. A break up, a degree, a bit of soul-searching here and there.

Lots of wine, bodies, words, music, sighing, touching, talking, looking, seeing, hugging, loving, hating, empathising, sympathising, crying, laughing, sexing, kissing, lusting, lying, truth.

Lots of living.

But I need more of me. I've noticed I've attended to so many (sounds egotistic I know), and I do have lots of friends around me who love and care for me, and I've got a loving family who also love and care for me unconditionally. I sit thinking about the many hims, yet they don't think the same way about me. I highly doubt they're thinking the same about me, and I need to get myself out of that rut and just think of me.

So if I were to make any resolution then this is it - it's just me. I'm on the top of the list. I don't need to care of anyone else anymore. Things are for me and me only. Lots of me. I think my heart and mind is worn and tired from caring and giving and teaching and nurturing. But I have a feeling it's going to be so hard for me, because I know that naturally I am compliant, giving and generous most of the time.

Here's to being selfish for once. Even if it's just for a month, so that if or when I fall back to my previous habits when the effort wears off by the second month, I can say I tried.