I feel as though I have a great amount of trust in people sometimes. Not to the general public, though, but towards friends and family.
One of my exs has told me that even though through all the hurt and confusion that I've been through love wise, I somehow seem to still have the ability to find love and possibility no matter what. He was definitely talking about Mark, and yah, even though I've been hurt quite a bit by boys treating me harshly, I still had the capability to be myself and fully immerse myself into my relationship with Mark.
So when I see friends having trouble trusting others when they are in the beginnings of a potential relationship or they seem interested in someone, they don't have the courage to pursue further because they don't trust the other person or themselves. And to be honest, I do try to understand and empathise, but sometimes I do think - just get over it, and be strong about it! Even though I myself am guilty of being lame in getting over things.
I think everything seems a bit rosy to me right now because I'm terribly happy in a relationship. We've been going out for 6 months now, and usually now is the time things go wrong (in every other relationship I've had), but right now it's perfect. So I don't know whether my positivity is due to my relationship with Mark, or whether I had this all the entire time. I must admit though, it didn't take me long to move on from one serious boyfriend to another - I think the longest time was around 3-4 months? And sometimes I feel that I haven't exactly gotten over the last one, but a few months into the current relationship, and I'm totally over it and smitten and just happy and on cloud nine.
I guess everyone approaches things their own way, but it kinda upsets me that some of my friends deny themselves of the same potential happiness that I have because they're afraid of getting hurt. I mean, isn't that what life is all about? If you don't experience hurt, all the good things that happen to you don't seem as special or as nice. I guess it is all relative, but I find that all the shit that happened to me made me appreciate the awesome things a lot lot more. Also, the hurt and bad and terrible experiences gives me something to talk about, rant about, and draw emotion from if I'm trying to do something creative and what not. But essentially, with all the crappy things around, there are good things to balance everything out.
I just wanna see my friends have courage to just get out there and get the happiness they deserve, and not worry about being hurt, and not worry about their image and self esteem, because to me they deserve it no matter what, and past experiences and stupid social conventions and superficiality should not get in the way of finding someone "to be home with", as one of my close friends would say.
Twas my birthday last week...
And it was heaps and heaps of fun. For a Wednesday, I thought it was a great turn out, and the fact that last year only, say, less than 10 people came to visit me for my birthday, this year there were roughly 40 or so special people who came.
The day started with a breakfast with my boy at the cafe we like to hang around in for breakfast, called "Le Petite Tart". Then I went into the city and bought my boyfriend his Valentine's Day gift. I know I could've done it the following day, but I didn't feel like it. I wanted to do it then and there. Then I came home, finished knitting a sock for my new iPod that I got from the parentals, and went out for a picnic with my old Angel friends. We had champagne and cheese and chocolate and port, and then we dawdled to The Different Drummer, which was where I was having my birthday gathering. I didn't know how many people were turning up, and the manager was like "You should've booked next time"... Saw a lot of cool friends and oldies from NUTS and 3ma, and lots of CSE revuers as well. Had a total of 10ish standard drinks because I had 5 cocktails during happy hour, it was awesome! Got totally drunk but had heaps of fun.
Got home at about 10 to midnight, and after Mark had a shower I was like "It's Valentine's Day! Open your present!" and he was ecstatic when he discovered it was a Pizza Oven! Basically it's a grill with a ceramic plate to make pizzas, and he was so excited, and I was so happy that he loved it! He got me for my birthday (and I told him not to worry about Valentines) a 160 gb hard drive to replace my old 40 gb because I complained how my iPod had more memory than my laptop! And for Valentine's Day we made pizza after he came home from work. It was yummy and heaps of fun to do!
Also caught up with my little brother the day before my birthday where he gave me the iPod and a $50 gift voucher for the iTunes store. He was very sweet, and the first thing he said when he saw me was "Happy Birthday for tomorrow Vanessa!" and gave me a hug. Makes me think I taught him well.
And another thing that caught me by surprise was a message from a student that I used to teach last year, smsing me to come back and teach them again because they miss me and asked whether they were that horrible to teach! I obviously said of course not, and that I miss teaching them as well. It was a surprise sms and it almost made me cry, but these type of things I can help, seeing as I can't really teach them anymore due to uni timetabling and everything.
I can't wait for uni to start. I need to start using my brain again, and moving around. I've been quite sedantry, but yah... sigh. I have been busy with rehearsals and shows, though, seems all so much! And teaching too. But I'm having fun, and life has been treating me well thus far.
And Mark moving in has been a blast. He's been really good so far, and it feels so nice waking up to him next to me in the morning. He's the perfect boyfriend, and I just feel so lucky to have him...
Oh and Birch's part was such fun too... Pity he's going to the states though. Got him this awesome book as a going away present - it was a picture book with a hole in the middle, so that the manhood can be a character in a story... Very amusing, and just Birch all over. He got all sentimental and saying "I love you" to everyone, which was really cute, and just being drunk Birch really.
So last week and weekend was quite a bit of fun. And even though I wasn't exactly looking forward to turning 23, I think this year would be a great year for me... Year of the Rat, which is my year, should be a great year for me. Let's hope that I finally finish a degree this year. Woot!
The day started with a breakfast with my boy at the cafe we like to hang around in for breakfast, called "Le Petite Tart". Then I went into the city and bought my boyfriend his Valentine's Day gift. I know I could've done it the following day, but I didn't feel like it. I wanted to do it then and there. Then I came home, finished knitting a sock for my new iPod that I got from the parentals, and went out for a picnic with my old Angel friends. We had champagne and cheese and chocolate and port, and then we dawdled to The Different Drummer, which was where I was having my birthday gathering. I didn't know how many people were turning up, and the manager was like "You should've booked next time"... Saw a lot of cool friends and oldies from NUTS and 3ma, and lots of CSE revuers as well. Had a total of 10ish standard drinks because I had 5 cocktails during happy hour, it was awesome! Got totally drunk but had heaps of fun.
Got home at about 10 to midnight, and after Mark had a shower I was like "It's Valentine's Day! Open your present!" and he was ecstatic when he discovered it was a Pizza Oven! Basically it's a grill with a ceramic plate to make pizzas, and he was so excited, and I was so happy that he loved it! He got me for my birthday (and I told him not to worry about Valentines) a 160 gb hard drive to replace my old 40 gb because I complained how my iPod had more memory than my laptop! And for Valentine's Day we made pizza after he came home from work. It was yummy and heaps of fun to do!
Also caught up with my little brother the day before my birthday where he gave me the iPod and a $50 gift voucher for the iTunes store. He was very sweet, and the first thing he said when he saw me was "Happy Birthday for tomorrow Vanessa!" and gave me a hug. Makes me think I taught him well.
And another thing that caught me by surprise was a message from a student that I used to teach last year, smsing me to come back and teach them again because they miss me and asked whether they were that horrible to teach! I obviously said of course not, and that I miss teaching them as well. It was a surprise sms and it almost made me cry, but these type of things I can help, seeing as I can't really teach them anymore due to uni timetabling and everything.
I can't wait for uni to start. I need to start using my brain again, and moving around. I've been quite sedantry, but yah... sigh. I have been busy with rehearsals and shows, though, seems all so much! And teaching too. But I'm having fun, and life has been treating me well thus far.
And Mark moving in has been a blast. He's been really good so far, and it feels so nice waking up to him next to me in the morning. He's the perfect boyfriend, and I just feel so lucky to have him...
Oh and Birch's part was such fun too... Pity he's going to the states though. Got him this awesome book as a going away present - it was a picture book with a hole in the middle, so that the manhood can be a character in a story... Very amusing, and just Birch all over. He got all sentimental and saying "I love you" to everyone, which was really cute, and just being drunk Birch really.
So last week and weekend was quite a bit of fun. And even though I wasn't exactly looking forward to turning 23, I think this year would be a great year for me... Year of the Rat, which is my year, should be a great year for me. Let's hope that I finally finish a degree this year. Woot!
Holidays almost over...
So these holidays I think was quite productive, with sufficient rest and relaxing... What did I do?
I'm sad that holidays will be over, but I'm also excited to get busy again and start doing all these projects and finishing uni! :D
- Christmas with Mark's family: it was a nice trip, and I got to meet his extended family and spend Christmas with Mark.
- Knitting: I took up more knitting, and I manage to finish 3 projects - 2 scarves and a quick job of making a sock for a friend's Nintendo DS console. I've bought a book and a magazine, and have started up another 2 projects - an aviator beanie for my little brother and a wrap possibly for my mother if she likes it.
- TV series: Caught up with Scrubs Seasons 5 and 6, and am currently watching Gilmore Girls, and am up to Series 2.
- De-cluttering: have gotten rid of some clothes - 2 bags worth! And did some cleaning around the house. Still need to get rid of some clothes, but cleared most of my things...
- Hein's room makeover: That was fun, helped him out getting more things for his room, and reorganised his room with clothes racks and bedside tables and heaps and heaps of candles which is cool
- My own room makeover: Mark got me some candle things, and he put them up on my wall, and put some hangings up on my wall as well.
- Gym: this week I've been back at the gym, so hopefully I can keep it up for the rest of the year, or at least until my gym membership is over.
- ISM: did some calls here and there, and did some retraining, and tried to organise my teaching schedule... I like organising my life, it's fun!
- Marky Baby: yah, not only did I do him, he's moved in! He paid rent as of last week, and he's now an official member of our household. We'll see how this pans out. :D
I'm sad that holidays will be over, but I'm also excited to get busy again and start doing all these projects and finishing uni! :D
Passions come, passions go.
Well, I dunno whether my passions for things actually go, per se, but they definitely rise and fall in the level of passion I have for it.
For instance - musicals. I love musicals. And I love directing them or musically directing them, or watching them, or listening to them. At one stage my life ambition was to work in New York and direct a musical, but right now I'm not really wanting that anymore. I have applied for directing and musical directing in Short, Sweet and Song this year, but I dunno whether I'll get in.
But musicals have been quite a passion for me for quite some time, especially in the last few years, until I found knitting. Suddenly I'm trying to extend my knitting abilities and such, and researching online what I wanna knit and different yarns... And it's amazing that when you have a passion suddenly your eyes open up to things that I would normally pass, like I saw this knitting store today whilst I was driving home from refresher teacher training, even though I've driven past it so many times. Also decided to go online to look for certain knitting stores around my area, as I only know of one which is in Newtown, and discovered one in the city which has apparently 2 levels! And Cecile told me that apparently the knitting level is huge... And on the website it says it's looking for employees, I wonder if I can apply...
And from visiting all these knitting stores online and in person, I want to open up my own knitting store one day, hopefully in Glebe. This is my current ambition, and it's funny how it's changed from wanting to direct a Broadway musical to owning a modest tapestry store in the inner city west.
Also want to refresh my interest in photography - thankfully am taking some general education subjects in photography and that will help the kickstart into serious amateur photography. I've got the cameras, just need the motivation and the drive to go and do it!
So really, passions for me don't really go, I just get new passions that tend to overtake the old ones for a while until the newer ones kinda lose its initial novelty and I rekindle the old passions. One thing, though, my passion for music will always be with me. Whatever I do, I need music and this will be an important aspect in my life.
For instance - musicals. I love musicals. And I love directing them or musically directing them, or watching them, or listening to them. At one stage my life ambition was to work in New York and direct a musical, but right now I'm not really wanting that anymore. I have applied for directing and musical directing in Short, Sweet and Song this year, but I dunno whether I'll get in.
But musicals have been quite a passion for me for quite some time, especially in the last few years, until I found knitting. Suddenly I'm trying to extend my knitting abilities and such, and researching online what I wanna knit and different yarns... And it's amazing that when you have a passion suddenly your eyes open up to things that I would normally pass, like I saw this knitting store today whilst I was driving home from refresher teacher training, even though I've driven past it so many times. Also decided to go online to look for certain knitting stores around my area, as I only know of one which is in Newtown, and discovered one in the city which has apparently 2 levels! And Cecile told me that apparently the knitting level is huge... And on the website it says it's looking for employees, I wonder if I can apply...
And from visiting all these knitting stores online and in person, I want to open up my own knitting store one day, hopefully in Glebe. This is my current ambition, and it's funny how it's changed from wanting to direct a Broadway musical to owning a modest tapestry store in the inner city west.
Also want to refresh my interest in photography - thankfully am taking some general education subjects in photography and that will help the kickstart into serious amateur photography. I've got the cameras, just need the motivation and the drive to go and do it!
So really, passions for me don't really go, I just get new passions that tend to overtake the old ones for a while until the newer ones kinda lose its initial novelty and I rekindle the old passions. One thing, though, my passion for music will always be with me. Whatever I do, I need music and this will be an important aspect in my life.
Inspirations and Aspirations...
Well it is 2008, and here comes another year. Of course a lot of us have a lot of new year's resolutions, and I have quite a few of mine, some that were also last year's resolutions that didn't quite seem to work out.
But rather than talking about the same things over again - what I wanna do and achieve this year, I wanna talk about what inspired me to make these resolutions (which I kinda will keep to myself... :D).
My credit card bill: looking at it makes me realise I spend too much money. You can guess what that resolution is.
Justin Timberlake: I bought his DVD on boxing day at JB HiFi, and not only is he hot, he's an awesome performer. He has an awesome voice, and his vocal ability is pretty impressive, and he plays the guitar and piano, and dances so well. His musicality and artistry is something to admire, and his stage presence just tops it off. I know I really don't wanna be a solo performer, but being in his band would be awesome, and whenever I go to live gigs, I always walk away going I would love to do what the musicians do on stage. *sigh*
University: I'm not sick of the lifestyle, but I really need closure from it. I'm debating whether to finish it this year with one degree, or next year with two degrees. Still thinking...
Travelling: I want to travel around the world... and I've planned to do a whole year with Mark, hopefully to go in 2009 or 2010. So basically finish uni, save money, and go!
Health: I'm the heaviest that I've ever been in my whole entire life, so it's terribly clear what my intentions are with this comment...
And finally...
Mark: What can I say??? He's just awesome...
But rather than talking about the same things over again - what I wanna do and achieve this year, I wanna talk about what inspired me to make these resolutions (which I kinda will keep to myself... :D).
My credit card bill: looking at it makes me realise I spend too much money. You can guess what that resolution is.
Justin Timberlake: I bought his DVD on boxing day at JB HiFi, and not only is he hot, he's an awesome performer. He has an awesome voice, and his vocal ability is pretty impressive, and he plays the guitar and piano, and dances so well. His musicality and artistry is something to admire, and his stage presence just tops it off. I know I really don't wanna be a solo performer, but being in his band would be awesome, and whenever I go to live gigs, I always walk away going I would love to do what the musicians do on stage. *sigh*
University: I'm not sick of the lifestyle, but I really need closure from it. I'm debating whether to finish it this year with one degree, or next year with two degrees. Still thinking...
Travelling: I want to travel around the world... and I've planned to do a whole year with Mark, hopefully to go in 2009 or 2010. So basically finish uni, save money, and go!
Health: I'm the heaviest that I've ever been in my whole entire life, so it's terribly clear what my intentions are with this comment...
And finally...
Mark: What can I say??? He's just awesome...
so this is christmas...
it's the last week of teaching, and i've been getting a few cool presents from my students... today has been an exciting day for me!
got heaps of chocolate of course, and got my first bottle of wine the other day. also got some cupcake candles, and a music mug, and these awesome sterling silver music earrings. the best one which seems to capture me quite well is this cupcake cushion (see pic below) - it's a strawberry cupcake with little strawberries on top, and it's random and cute and just really cool. and the two best presents i got are from really good students, so maybe i should get students to be more awesome, and they will in return give me more awesome stuff. :D
and on monday mark asked me to come to queensland with him to visit his mum's side of the family, and spend time with his grandma in brisbane and noosa. i'm kinda looking forward to it, and kinda nervous about meeting and spending time with mark's family, but hopefully it'll all go well. the drive up to brisbane would be interesting - a good 10-12 hours with his parents in the same car, i'm sure there'll be a story out of that one somehow! :D
it'll be the first christmas that i've spent without my family, which is kinda interesting. it'll be with mark's family, so at least it's not on my own, but i hope my parents don't think i'm distancing myself too much away from them. but i'm totally in love with mark, and mark doesn't seem to not like time apart from me, and vice versa, so i hope my parents will understand.
it's been pretty awesome so far, and it's not even christmas yet. i have a new found appreciation for teaching (and no, it's not all about the presents, it's the fact that i've bonded with some of my students quite well, and it's gonna be disappointing if i don't teach some of them next year), and i'm excited about finishing my degree next year, and just hanging around with mark heaps. :D
a few more sleeps, and christmas will be here! and just to add, this is a photo that one of my closest friends hein took, and it sums up basically how much mark and i are in love with eachother... :D
got heaps of chocolate of course, and got my first bottle of wine the other day. also got some cupcake candles, and a music mug, and these awesome sterling silver music earrings. the best one which seems to capture me quite well is this cupcake cushion (see pic below) - it's a strawberry cupcake with little strawberries on top, and it's random and cute and just really cool. and the two best presents i got are from really good students, so maybe i should get students to be more awesome, and they will in return give me more awesome stuff. :D
and on monday mark asked me to come to queensland with him to visit his mum's side of the family, and spend time with his grandma in brisbane and noosa. i'm kinda looking forward to it, and kinda nervous about meeting and spending time with mark's family, but hopefully it'll all go well. the drive up to brisbane would be interesting - a good 10-12 hours with his parents in the same car, i'm sure there'll be a story out of that one somehow! :D
it'll be the first christmas that i've spent without my family, which is kinda interesting. it'll be with mark's family, so at least it's not on my own, but i hope my parents don't think i'm distancing myself too much away from them. but i'm totally in love with mark, and mark doesn't seem to not like time apart from me, and vice versa, so i hope my parents will understand.
it's been pretty awesome so far, and it's not even christmas yet. i have a new found appreciation for teaching (and no, it's not all about the presents, it's the fact that i've bonded with some of my students quite well, and it's gonna be disappointing if i don't teach some of them next year), and i'm excited about finishing my degree next year, and just hanging around with mark heaps. :D
a few more sleeps, and christmas will be here! and just to add, this is a photo that one of my closest friends hein took, and it sums up basically how much mark and i are in love with eachother... :D
A Midnight Post
Have been sick lately, and last week I caught the cold, and then it transferred into tonsilitis... it's been quite uncomfortable to swallow and sore, and the sinuses aren't helping much with it either. Currently taking penicillin to get over it, apparently the tonsilitis was quite bad.
I'm feeling better than this morning, when I woke up to heavy stomach pains from taking pills on an empty stomach. Naughty me! But the cramps existed for about an hour until it subsided after I ate some bread despite the fact I wasn't hungry. But after the doctor's appointment I went home and stayed in bed all afternoon feeling sick and ew. My sinuses now feel a bit clearer, but I'm still getting headaches and my throat is still a bit sore, so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Up the road there's this house party of 50-60 year olds dancing to a cover band singing songs like "Pretty Woman", "Stand By Your Man", "Blue Suede Shoes" and other classic rock tunes. I was walking past whilst on my way to satisfy my midnight cravings with a kebab, and I wondered whether it would be cool to gatecrash this party? I'm sure I'll have no trouble fitting in with the oldies!!! :D
Talking about kebabs, I just had half of a kebab for the first time in a very long while. It wasn't that great, because the meat was a bit overcooked and dried out, so it scratched my throat a bit. But yah, I miss pigging out on unnecessary foods - not that I've really stopped, but being sick for the past few days, you don't really feel like eating much. Or when you do grab a whole heap of food, you don't feel like it anymore halfway through. I even gave chocolates away the other day, instead of keeping it all to myself and consuming it on the way home... Quite proud of that achievement!
And a few hours ago I got to talk to Mark online for an hour and a bit. Goash I miss him so much. We're the sappiest couple ever, I reckon, and we always say how we miss each other and love each other and never to be apart ever again! I'm counting the days - 4ish more days left and he'll be saying hallo and greeting me at the airport. I absolutely adore him and he's my everything at the moment, and I do hope we never ever lose each other.
Christmas is around the corner - meaning my bank account is going down. Sigh, I need to control my savings a lot better... But I've gotten half the Christmas pressies so far, just need to wait to get paid again so that I can go for some more Christmas present shopping.
Hope everyone is well, as opposed to me, and I love you Marky baby if you're reading... xxoo!
I'm feeling better than this morning, when I woke up to heavy stomach pains from taking pills on an empty stomach. Naughty me! But the cramps existed for about an hour until it subsided after I ate some bread despite the fact I wasn't hungry. But after the doctor's appointment I went home and stayed in bed all afternoon feeling sick and ew. My sinuses now feel a bit clearer, but I'm still getting headaches and my throat is still a bit sore, so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Up the road there's this house party of 50-60 year olds dancing to a cover band singing songs like "Pretty Woman", "Stand By Your Man", "Blue Suede Shoes" and other classic rock tunes. I was walking past whilst on my way to satisfy my midnight cravings with a kebab, and I wondered whether it would be cool to gatecrash this party? I'm sure I'll have no trouble fitting in with the oldies!!! :D
Talking about kebabs, I just had half of a kebab for the first time in a very long while. It wasn't that great, because the meat was a bit overcooked and dried out, so it scratched my throat a bit. But yah, I miss pigging out on unnecessary foods - not that I've really stopped, but being sick for the past few days, you don't really feel like eating much. Or when you do grab a whole heap of food, you don't feel like it anymore halfway through. I even gave chocolates away the other day, instead of keeping it all to myself and consuming it on the way home... Quite proud of that achievement!
And a few hours ago I got to talk to Mark online for an hour and a bit. Goash I miss him so much. We're the sappiest couple ever, I reckon, and we always say how we miss each other and love each other and never to be apart ever again! I'm counting the days - 4ish more days left and he'll be saying hallo and greeting me at the airport. I absolutely adore him and he's my everything at the moment, and I do hope we never ever lose each other.
Christmas is around the corner - meaning my bank account is going down. Sigh, I need to control my savings a lot better... But I've gotten half the Christmas pressies so far, just need to wait to get paid again so that I can go for some more Christmas present shopping.
Hope everyone is well, as opposed to me, and I love you Marky baby if you're reading... xxoo!
