So close...

So I didn't end up doing my recital - had a bit of an anxiety attack and it is now postponed to a later date. I'm still practicing like anything and trying to get university over and done with so I can move on with life. So even though there's only 6 more days of October, I don't think I can fulfil my Blogtoberfest obligations... I could have if I were more organised since the very beginning, but things happen for a reason. Life happens for a reason. And I should stop dwelling on what could have been and focus on now and what could be.

I am one essay, one report and one recital away from finishing university. Yet I don't feel like doing it. I feel like whatever I write or whatever I play will not be good enough, and that I won't pass, even though my lecturers have said they'll help me pass and that's what they're there for. Maybe I'm afraid of moving on? Or maybe I just think it's too hard and feel it's easier to give up. I should stop with that attitude because it's gotten me no where me thinks.

I found out I'm good with making plans, but I'm not necessarily good at executing them unless I'm really really into them. I have this huge plan ready for my birthday in February next year. Turning 25, I'm hoping to make a huge huge birthday bash as I didn't have a huge one when I was 21. It'll hopefully celebrate not only my birthday but the fact that I've finally finished uni (after all those years of part time study and failing) and a new chapter in my life. These grand plans will come into play once my recital is done, and my NIDA interview is over.

But for now I have to focus on the task at hand - today I'm going to finish that damn 2500 word essay, and do that 750 word report, and practice my heart out until next week so that I can put a "Bachelor of Music" next to my Diploma of Associate Music in Piano Performance and my Diploma of Entertainment Business and Management. It's so close, yet so far.

comments: 1



You are so close to finishing - you can do it. Look on the tasks you have to complete for your degree as just that - tasks. They aren't an indication of you and your worth as a person, they are just tasks that enable you to complete something that's an entry point to other things. All just stages on a journey - not a judgment of you and your life.